Save Me Sorrow

No word of a lie to you, I'm pretty scared.

Not in the sense of oh shit, there's a spider scared, mind. And you've probably guessed what it is about.

Yes, it's that thing that I mentioned before. Sleep.

Ever since the happenings from my last post, I have been feeling extremely paranoid about falling to sleep. As the clock at the top right of the screen on my Macbook graces ever closer to the late night, my brain just begins a cycle of panic and doubt.

I can't deny it, and I won't deny it. I fucking well hate sleep. I've never liked it. The more that I exist, the more I think sleep is just natures way to steal hours from our lives from under our noses. But it's a hate-hate relationship. I hate sleep, and by raisins it hates me too.

But, and it's just a guess, I think sleep hates me more than I hate it.

After the whole thing last Tuesday, I've had some minor versions of it happen at a rate of once every two to three days. Last night's sleep is an example. I went to bed at about half one, and then half an hour after, I wake up, feeling extremely bizarre.

But, I have found out something that is rather curious. This is happened exactly, nearly, a year ago. This is the first mention of when my problems with sleep occurred first. Look at the date. What is it? January the sixteenth, 2010, with this being the second mention, eight days after.

Now, look at the date of my last post. Eleventh of January. Roughly a year ago.

One thing that will make me panic, is either if this thing will occur next year. And, if so, what sort of period of time am I looking at. Or, will it only be in January when I have these fuckups in the sleep department? No idea.

There is only one thing that I definitely know for now. For the next few weeks, I will feel rather nervous about going to sleep.

I think I need help.

There is two possibilities that could be the reason that I have problems like these with sleep. The first, which kind of fixed it the last time, was vitamin deficiency. After the first few times that the whole sleep paranoia happened, my mother advised me to take Berocca. I have no idea if that is the right way to spell it, but then again who gives a shit.

This time, even though I've started to take Berocca again, my mother believes that it could be something else. Caffeine. I could have a caffeine intolerance, meaning that if I have too much of it, I have trouble sleeping. Though, this might not be the case, as I have consumed products that contain caffeine (such as coke and tea) for ages, so maybe not that then.

I'm hoping to see a doctor soon about it. Maybe then they'll find out something about me that I fear. I don't care if that sounds pathetic. If you found out something about you that's wrong with you, no matter how small, you'll (probably) feel a bit worried, yeah?

I don't know. Maybe it's just my brain trying to tell me to stop being an arsehole.

Time will tell, eh?

- Mr Sandman, give me a FIN.