Kick The Bucket

Before I start, lavate los manos (the spelling is probably wrong, sorry) is possibly my favourite moment from American Dad. You know that gun fight? Brilliant.

Anyway, for some reason I've been hearing a lot about bucket lists. No idea why. I've always seen them as rather morbid. You know, you in your early years telling your future self what to do before you fall into the eternal sleep.

I've always known about them, but it's only in the past three years or so which I've actually seen people write and complete their own ones.

Now, I may hide it really well, but I can be optimistic when I want to. I mean, I carry sunglasses around on a cloudy days, and I sing songs in my room even though my singing is the voice equivalent of a skunk fart to the nose. But I still persist, alone, like a salamander, a statistic-loving salamander. I don't know.

As you can tell, I'm shit.

Anyway, I have a thing about not writing a bucket list. It probably means that I have no imagination or no hope for the future. But, I don't know. It seems a bit, first world-like. Does that make sense?

You know, a list of things that only those who are in a "decent" country can do. And by "decent", I don't mean a country with a bad record when it comes to persecution of chickens, I mean those classed as first world.

But the main thing I have a problem with bucket lists, is that they more often than not just about going somewhere, visiting things or seeing something. Seems kind of pointless to me. You know, just going somewhere, seeing something then coming home with nothing but a memory.

If I did have a bucket list, it wouldn't be filled with one-time things, they'd be filled with things that with surpass my life.

For example, one thing that I'd put in would be to be a good father. Yes, it's a pointless hope considering the genetics I have obtained from my parents, but it'll still be there. The last thing I'd want is  to be a shit dad, a face that my children would erase from the family tree. That said, I've always had a sneaking suspicion that I'd be a terribly male role model. No idea why. Actually, I do, I just don't want to say. Yet.

The only other thing I'd stick on it is to do something - whether it's by my actions or something that I create - that will result in my name living decades (and preferably, centuries) after my death. I know, these are somewhat selfish things to ask for, but I'm sure everyone agrees that one of the worst things to happen to you as a person is to be forgotten. If I do something worthwhile in my time here on Earth, I hope that it's good and big enough to make others want to remember it.

I don't know, I can't really explain it.

But yeah, I won't be upset with myself if I don't travel the world, experiment with food and drink or whatnot before my occupation as corpse. As long as I do something worthwhile, something long lasting, then I'll be a happy corpse. If that's possible.

Also, I should note for future me, this is the first time that I've talked about death without freaking out. What does that tell you, G? Actually, that's a lie, now you're kind of freaking out. You were a dick, to be fair.

Another note, why are the two things mentioned above revolve around my legacy and not to do with things within my lifetime? Who knows...

I'm off. It's late and, for the first time, I actually want to socialise more. Yet, university work hinders that. And the fact that, you know, not a lot of people I know live close enough. What a treat eh, folks?

- I'm tired. Nothing exciting here. FIN.

White Wedding

I'm an idiot.

And you are.

But that's not the point. The point is, I'm terrible at starting blog posts.

Anyway, almost every night, I do this thing called sleeping. And that's not the same "sleeping" as "sleeping with someone". I'm no man-slag, yo.

Anyway, it seems that I have a thing for starting sentences with "anyway", so lets try again, shall we?

One night a while back, I had a dream (and if you're interested, I've just got the scene where Tidus first encounters Sin in Final Fantasy X). In this dream, I saw a girl. Well, not a girl, she was a woman. Didn't see her face, didn't really hear her name, all I saw was a body and hair.

And before you think oh, what a perv, dreaming about nude women without a face, well you're wrong. She was fully clothed. But not in jeans and a tee-shirt or whatever females wear these days.

No, it was a wedding dress. And do you know what makes things weirder? It was a wedding dress that I designed. I designed a wedding dress in my sleep, and ever since that dream whenever I had it, I can't get it out of my head.

The only problem is that I am terrible at drawing, so it will never be a reality (if, by reality, is something that is not just in your head). It's not one of these Big Fat Gypsy Wedding dresses. It's rather plain, to be fair, covering only one shoulder. Can't really describe it more than that, because I have the descriptive skills of a donkey on meth. Not sure how that works, but it seems to work for Family Guy's cutaway gags. Ah well.

Main point? I'm an idiot for having a dream about a girl in a wedding dress that I've designed somehow.

In other, less clothing news, I sleep naked. Not really, I discovered how many assignments I have due before the end of year. It's about seven of them, due in by mid May. That's a month away. Shit.

Also, I miss learning about Chemistry and Physics.

That is all.

- I think I had a dream, a dream of being alone. And I wanted someone, anyone, beside me. So I wouldn't feel alone anymore. If you know where that's from, I love you. Also, FIN.

Because Text

I have discovered something rather normal about my educational life.

And that is the following - I have no imagination.

I can't sit down and plan out what I want to do when it comes to designing shit. Here's two perfect example, set in some rather boring paragraphs.

For university, I have two assignments. The first one asks me to create a 20-30 second title sequence that involves 3D animation, and another asking me to film something and add effects in to it, either simple shit like when someone reads a text on Sherlock or when shit gets real in Harry Potter. And no, I'm not using those examples to gain readers. If I did, I'd state that I'd need to add reason to Justin Bieber's music.

But the thing is, I have no idea what I'm doing. I know what to do technique wise, but for the actual content side of things? Fuck. I'm dead inside. Nothing but soulless examples of the chances of my failing this year increases each day.

Any idea I do have, though, ends up being balls-breakingly difficult or extremely costly. I wanted to do something for the 3D assignment where a sphere falls and breaks on the floor, then the camera focusing to the logo of a news programme. But apparently, you need a plug-in for that, one that costs over £200. Curse you, nameless plug-in.

I'm also kind of dreading my mark for Sound Technology. It's just dawned on me, that module is a smaller manifestation of my entire mathematical life. When I was younger, I was really good at maths. I was almost always in the top ten percent in my year. But with each year passing, I started to progressively worsen. From high 80%s in year seven to barely scratching 55%s in my GCSE year.

It's not that I found the work difficult, it's not. I've always liked maths, and always understood everything I was told, but apparently I can't put it into practice on the examination field.

The same with Sound Tech. If someone asked me to help them set up a Z5 so they could record audio using a boom, I could help them no problem. If they need help editing the audio and making it sound unedited, I could help. But there's always a little thing that someone finds wrong in your work, whether it's an ill-explained reasoning why x is 3 or a misplaced fade out.

It's not a nerve thing, before anyone thinks that. I have never sat down before doing an exam or an assignment and thinking oh shit, I know nothing of what I need to do to pass, shit. I've never done that. When everyone around me was revising the differences between Lithium, Sodium, Magnesium and Potassium while wailing I suck at life, I'll prepare for a life of mediocrity because I don't know which elements have D-orbitals, I was just sitting there, looking over my notes while listening to some Bob Marley.

Am I just a naive idiot? One who thinks he knows his stuff but it turns out that he's just a mediocre wanker with no reason to live other than to siphon light from everyone? I don't know, but that sounds extremely sad, so to happy things up, here's a picture of a hairless cat playing a double bass.

Baaaaaaaaaaaase.

Now, in other news, I'm still alive. I've done what feels like fuck all in every aspect of my life. It feels like I'm doing fuck all with university work, and everything in work is just time consuming (not that I'm complaining about work, it's possibly one of the best things to happen to me since my introduction to Final Fantasy X, and that just shows how much of an arsehole I am).

In other, unrelated news, I'm (still) doing my CLICvlogs as part of my university work. And you know what? I really like doing them. Recently, I've kind of lost faith in them, since we've done nine or so of them and nobody was interested in being a part of it, so it was turning out to being one man and his two vlogs. And if you have no idea what I'm on about, here be link to CLICvlog, and here's another YouTube link.

But yeah, for some reason unknown to me, the past few ones have been really fun to film and edit. Maybe it's because I also filmed a vlog for Sam where he calls Jesus an attention seeker, or maybe it's the most recent one, but they've suddenly become really fun for me. I'm not saying that they were getting boring, but I'm saying that CLICvlog is starting to fulfill one of its primary aims, which is to allow young people to share their views. Yes, CLIC is there for the textual side, and CLICplay is there for video, I just thought that it was a thing to get people who are part of CLIC to join together and create something that (hopefully) everyone would at least watch one or two from time to time.

And all that from a shit idea for a university assignment. I need a life. Pity that won't be happening since I just bought Pokemon Black and Mass Effect 2. Yeah, that's right. Fear my lack of sociability in the next few months.

In other news, I'm done. And I believe my dinner is too. I shall go get it, then come back upstairs to eat it in my room alone. Maybe someday I'll write a shitty Dear World about my relationship with food. Because everyone loves reading everything I say. I'm so awesome.

- Just in case you didn't get the last bit, that was sarcasm. Also, FIN. Why do I still write FIN at the end of these? Who knows, maybe I'll get sponsored by some FIN compony or something. Also, please say I'm not the only one who saw that picture and instantly thought of the last scene of Portal 2?