Take A Number, Stay In Line

Once again, it is a blog post at the end of the year.

Once again, I'm going to review my year.

Once again, I use a lyric from a song as a blog title.

And once again, nobody cares.

So, what did I write this time last year for myself? Thanks fuck for copy-paste, that's all I'm saying...

1. Stay up there with my university course. Basically, I'm aiming for a first overall, but I will be content with anything from 2:1 up (or a extremely high 2:2 and up).
2. Improve my abilities with the Welsh language. This should get better due to me translating stuff, but I'm not doing too well at the moment...
3. Don't go into debt (and, if they allow it, stay as a Clic employer for as long as possible - optional).
4. Keep writing my Dear World series (though it might turn from a weekly thing to fortnightly, depending on what else I'm doing).
5. Improve my musical abilities.
6. Complete as many Final Fantasy games as possible. This isn't being serious, I just think it's sad that I've only really completed two of the games (three if you count Dissidia Duodecim) and I've got about five or six of them. It's rather sad to just not complete the games from this epic series (and write reviews for them - optional).
7. Improve your new media skills. And no, I don't mean social media, I mean with editing and design stuff.
8. Build up confidence. I don't mean this so I'd go out more and start performing Shakespeare's plays in the middle of Cardiff, but more so I'd be able to edit a video of myself without flinching over the sound of my voice or how hideous I think I look...

So, did 2012 me succeed in what 2011 me wanted to accomplish?

Well, I would consider the first one a success. I passed my second year in university with a 2:1, earning a few firsts in my assignments. Bad thing is that I only had one assignment that was less than a 2:1, but luckily the average is that I had a decent 2:1 for my second year.

I'll be honest here, although I didn't write it down, I have no idea about my success in my placement. If I had to rate myself, I'd say I'd get a third for my performance. I don't know, just seems as if I'm not doing good enough. Ah well.

Second, my Welsh. To be honest, I don't think I've improved at all. I've been told that my translating skills are good and are improving, but as for linguistical skills, I don't think I've improved at all.

I mean, there have been a few instances where I've spoken to someone in Welsh without feeling I'm being judged. The main one was when I was in the Eisteddfod and I was talking to a past student of Glamorgan Uni about Welsh and courses. It was the first time where I didn't feel like I was an amateur when speaking the language. Which, you know, was nice.

Third, money. I can happily say that I've not been in debt once yet. Not even touched my overdraft. An even better thing is that I'm still employed by Clic. That's still mad, that. I have no idea why they still think I'm good enough to be employed by them. Mad that.

Only down side is that I've still yet to actively save up money. Hopefully in the new year, I'll bunk up an ISA or something. Anyway, back to the drawing board.

I've totally failed with keeping up with my Dear World articles. Simply put, I haven't had the time. I'm still writing them, and I think I've surpassed fifty of them this year, but nowhere near once a week. Same goes for the CLICvlog thing. That should have been once a week, but I've missed twelve of them. Ah well. Maybe I'll improve next year.

Not going to lie to you, but I have no idea if I've improved any of my musical skills. I suppose I've kind of improved with guitar, considering I can now play the intro solo for Metallica's One. I know it's a simple part of the song, but I finally (almost) nailed it. Nowhere near performing standards, mind, but still.

But since I'm here, might as well talk about the social media one. I guess I've gotten a tad bit better with it. With After Effects, definitely, but with other things, I'd say I failed to improve. Feels like all I've done is just stay average in everything else, or dramatically failing in some aspects (ahem... Photoshop). But yeah, still a ways to go if I want to be at a standard where people would pay me a pretty penny for my skills.

And to my joke one. I think I've only really completed one Final Fantasy title, and that's Dissidia Duodecim. Ah well, I didn't really mean I'd complete all of them, I just thought I'd look more into a franchise that I rather like.

And last, my confidence. The only thing I can confidently say is that I'm still that prick with no confidence. The only thing, I'd say, that has remotely improved is my confidence in motion graphics, but then there's things where I just look at and my confidence just falls back down to non-existent levels.

More so towards the end of this year, it's been a bigger problem, and it's been more obvious that something has to be done, otherwise I'll just die a lonely bastard with nothing to my name except a headful of regret.

I have nothing else to say, really. So, with that done, lets see if I can try and write some goals that I'll fail at like the last few years.

1. Build confidence. It's obvious that I need to do this. I don't know where to start, or how it will happen. Long story short, this needs to be done, or I'll just be a prick like the last few years.
2. Not to cock up, university wise. 2013 will see me finish my placement and start my last year. The last thing I want to do is mess up with my placement, but hopefully I'll be on my way to at least a hight 2:1 in my course.
3. Same vein as the last one (and last years), improve my skills in media. You know - audio, video, animation, text and iamge. Includes using the Welsh language as often as possible too.
4. This isn't as strong as the other ones, but at least two CLICvlogs and two Dear Worlds a month. Twenty six of each should give me an achievable challenge.

Those are the ones I've given myself, but I've been given a few as well by some people too. Which are...

1. Eat different stuff. Not entirely sure what was said, but I think it was try to eat something totally different than what I'm used to every month. Because I usually eat basic stuff. 'Cause, y'know, I'm not really a fan of eating things.
2. Eat socially every other month. They said eating in the car after picking up a McDonald's doesn't count. Poo. I'm also guessing socialise outside of work/uni is one too. Meh.

So yeah, that's it. 2012 was the year where I tried to do things and failed miserably. If I didn't fail, I wouldn't be writing this at eleven at night. I'd be out, celebrating the new year.

What a way to end a yearly review post.

Actually, fuck it. I'm not ending it there. There's a handful of people I want to thank, but not in the emotional way actors do when they win an award for crying good. By the way, I'm not going to name anyone, just certain things. Go me and my insecurity of calling someone a friend because I don't know if they consider me the same.

First of all, to those who took part in the CLICvlogs. I know it's not the best project in the world, so the fact that some people are actually interested in doing it. I hope that there's a part of their want to vlog on their own channel is a result of taking part in the CLICvlog project, even if it's just to create something better than I could. Happiness indeed.

Second thanks goes to those who work at Clic. Y'know, for being patient with me learning the ropes and helping me with a lot of things, whether it's work or personal. 

Last, to nobody else, because I don't think I have anyone else to thank. Man, that makes me sound like a dick.

So that's it. My last blog post of 2012. Roll on '13.

And to quote my Dear World series.

I thank ye, world.

- FIN. FIN, FIN, FIN. FINpa Gangnam Style.

Define It

Do you ever think who and what the fuck am I??

I do.

It mainly occurs when I read other people's biographies on social media sites. I just saw one who described them as loving, caring, intuitive person and the like.

My main thought on that, without sounding like I'm being a total arse, is what makes you think you're the things you think you are?

I mean, I'd like to think I'm somewhat a decent person, someone who has a sense of humour and can be relied on. But it's not really up to me to describe myself. It's up to the people who are (un)fortunate to meet me.

For all I know, people may consider me an absolute twat who's only plus side is the lack of socialising I do. I don't really know what people think of me, but that's their right. And let's be honest here, they are a better judge of me than I am, considering I only see my own perspective while others see everyone else's.

Does that make sense? Does anyone read this blog? Not sure if any of those questions will ever get answered.

But the main one is when it comes to what I do. I've heard/seen people call themselves all sorts, just because either that's the thing they do most or they just can.

I mean, I can call myself a professional photographer, a director, cameraman, editor, translator, designer, compositor and writer. But I don't. Why? Well, just because I do those things (and by directing, I just tell people where to sit/stand so they are in shot and the like, nothing arty or anything like that) doesn't make me them.

You know that saying I live, therefore I am? It's either that or something like that, I don't know.

Back to the point; I'm not completely sure that's true.

Just because you live, doesn't necessarily mean that you're alive. Probably. This is all coming from someone who's only slept outside his home country for eight days, so I'm not the most knowledgable when it comes to life lessons.

Anyway, I think it's true. Just because I played a few games of cricket for Pontypridd, doesn't mean I'm a retired cricket player with a decent bowling average and a terrible batting average. It just makes me someone who used to play cricket.

And yes, for those who think that's a boring sport, I actually like playing cricket. Bowling can be both a stress reliever and a good way to make you think. Don't judge me, ya?

It's just that I see loads of people defining themselves as something just because they have an interest in it, when in all honestly they are either not good at it, or not as serious as they say they are.

That's why I hate it when someone asks me to describe myself to people. Unfortunately, where I work, we get a few young people in for work experience. And I have to say what I do. And I just repeat the same thing - I help out with translation, media and sometimes with moderating written content.

I have a problem defining myself, it seems.

There's only two things that I know I am, and that is a student and a male.

And that's the major one for me. I'm male, and I'm almost twenty one years old, a combination that usually results in someone describing themselves as a man.

But not me. Why? Mainly because I don't think I've done anything worthy of the title.

And no, I don't mean releasing my seed within a woman's baby chamber.

There's so many ways to define what a man is. And I don't think I'm any of it. Yet.

Maybe that'll change in decades to come. Maybe I'll be on my death bed, looking back at my past, and thinking that my younger self was just being an utter arse. So, nothing new there, then.

So, that was a blog post worth forgetting.

- I spent a few minutes trying to think of a way to end this by adding FIN into it, but I couldn't think of anything better than what I've just written. So yeah... FIN.

Hell Blog

Note - Yeah, I have no idea what the post title means either...

Because I have no sense of anything, here is a post sighting recent annoyances. Not really targeted at anyone.

So, in other terms, if you decide to stop reading at this minute, I will not know, so it really doesn't matter.

FIrst off, people who ask me to do stuff, but makes it seem that it's the most important thing ever.

Please stop this. Really, it's annoying. You know how it seems when you ask for something in a "caring, considerate" way? You look patronising, like you're talking to a four year old and not someone five times that age.

I don't mind if you accidentally do so once in a blue moon, but not every freaking time. Talking like that doesn't make you better with children, either. It makes you a patronising bitch who thinks the only thing that's important in life is if it's something for you. Grow the fuck up.

Side note, calling a child "chicken" is probably the most horrible thing I've ever seen. It's so affectionate, yeah? You know, calling someone you love a farm animal that we kill to feed the human race. Lovely.

Second, people who complain about their choices, especially university courses.

Again, grow the fuck up. If you were thoughtful of your future, you would have looked into your preferred course. Now, you're nearly at the end of your second year and you're complaining that the course wasn't what you thought it was. It's almost exactly as it was described. The only differences are the changes the lecturers did half way through the course.

Also, fuck off with this don't like it, won't do it attitude. If you don't like it, swallow your feelings towards it and just get it over and done with. You'll get it over quicker that way.

Third, which is a link to the second point. You've studied in Wales for two years, and yet you insist to rip the piss out of the language and the accent. Really? Fuck you.

Also, your ignorance in asking why S4C is on channel four is impeccable.

Fourth, to everyone. Accept it when someone says no to something you've asked someone to do. It is not the end of the world if someone doesn't want to do something. If it's urgent and life threatening, then I understand, but I don't understand the questions that follow a denial of something. Fuck up or fuck off.

Fifth, what's the point in pointing out things that people do? Yes, I'm usually in my room and I look at funny stuff on the internet. By definition, funny stuff makes people laugh, meaning that I will possibly laugh in result. What is the point in mentioning that you can hear me laugh while in a different room?

That's it for the annoyances for now.

In other news, I have completed Final Fantasy XIII-2 (hint - there might be spoilers, but not a lot), and for some reason I'm hoping for a sequel. The only thing I will say about the story is that it seems a little to Emperor Strikes Back the more I think about it. But it does kind of hold potential for a sequel. I mean, the Farron sisters are in some way mute from life at the end of XIII-2, and all I can think of is a story driven by them, with a team of just them and the monster system.

That said, I'm not hoping for a sequel because I want Lightning, Fang and all them to live. There was absolutely no closure at the end of XIII-2, other than Hope grew up rather well (as in, he wasn't the needy runt like in XIII) and all of Noel's alternative outfits are shit ugly.

I mean, if they had the same story mechanics as XIII (as in swap from one group to another throughout the story) with the battle and leveling up system of XIII-2 and you've already on a winner. Fuck, I wouldn't care if Hope was playable. Actually, I can see that happening. Hope and Noel on one side of the story while Lightning and Serah in a different scenario for the other side of the story. I don't know, I'm just talking utter nonsense now.

Also, I've finished Assassin's Creed Revelations. Loved it, and surprisingly finished it rather quickly. Roll on III, I say.

University wise, I have still not failed anything this year, yet my run of no results under 60% has failed, with my sound technology assignment falling somewhere in the 50% region. Nothing to cry about, but just something to make me think.

I'll end it here, m'need to do shitloads of editing and writing because I have no soul, ya?

- The FIN is my only family.

The Old Man's Still Got It

Congratulations.

No, not to you.

I am congratulating myself, as it is my third time doing these pathetically pointless blogs where I go on about how the past year went, hence the Final Fantasy XIII quote for the title. Perseverance points +3, don't you agree?

Anyway, last year I wrote one about 2010. The last part of the post was me just giving me six points to do over 2011. Now, I get to see if I've got them. Thanks, December 2010 me (you're welcome, December 2011 me).

If you are interested in knowing what they were, but too lazy to click on the above link and scroll down a bit (first world problems, eh?...) then here they be.

1. Do well in university. That's a given.
2. Get better at all instruments. I'll make a detailed list of what level I'd like to get at the instruments of choice.
3. Improve my Welsh. Right now, it is at a shocking level compared to my fiends in my year at school. I want to keep my ability of speaking Welsh, fact.
4. Save money. I haven't done too badly this year, I just need to do more.
5. Do better when helping out with Wicid. All I've done really is write a lot of articles and edit some of the article in the back end. Maybe I could be more involved somehow.
6. I'm not even going to bother having a 'could there be someone special in 2011' one here. Obviously there won't be anyone. Ah, forever alone. Ha.

So, let's see what's happened, eh? 

So, first off, do well in university. I think it's safe to say that I've done that. I've passed myself with as close to a 2:1 as is possible without actually getting a 2:1 and I've started well in my second year. All I've got to do is keep it up. Woop.

The next two points (improve my Welsh and instrument playing abilities) have been an utter fail. I have used the Welsh language more this year (well, more towards the end of the year, really), but I really haven't improved. All I've done is realised how terrible I am at the language.

Musically, I haven't done much. I've came up with two riffs where I have trouble writing them down due to my inability with life. But look on the bright side, I can now play the F chord on a guitar. Granted, only the top strings, so I still can't do barre chords. I am a failure to the music profession (or is it called amateurism?). So with music and the Welsh language in mind, I've been rather mute.

Money wise, I think I've done better than last year. One main point is that I've started the road of earning money. First with Tantrwm, covering an IATEFL event in Brighton, then a quick report of the Eisteddfod in Swansea for Clic (not really a job, but I got paid expenses for it, and considering I didn't spend much of it straight away, I count it) and then I got a part-time job with Promo Cymru to help out with Clic stuff. And yes, I have spent a fair few times, but I'm still in the black in all accounts. So with point four, I call that a success. Joy.

Well, with five, I'm kind of doing that already with me now working for Clic (unless the funding's not going to be there next March, which if it does I won't complain, I'd just be glad for the opportunity in the first place). I've written nearly 52 articles for Wicid alone (almost all of them my Dear World articles), and some of them being live on Clic. Win. I've also helped out with editing a few videos for Clic and will start a vlogging channel for it too (nobody'll be interested, but I'll write a plan of attach tomorrow or something). Happy days, eh?

And lastly, that point will never change. I've accepted that.

So, three out of six isn't that bad, right? But on the whole, I'll call it an above average year.

And I've just reread last year's post, and I found this...

One thing that I've just realised is that I hate Winter. Why? Because it feels like it brings shrouds of doubt and pessimism into my life. I mean, I was looking at all the fireworks displays from countries that are already in 2011, and the only thing I can think of is "we were in an economical crisis not long ago, why are they wasting money on celebrating the entrance of 2010?". 

And this brings me to another point. I need a new outlook on life. For the past few years, I've seen the world through monotonous eyes. Either it is, or it isn't. I can't really describe what my outlook on life is at this moment, bit all I can say for sure that even though I can see happiness and all that everywhere I look, all I can think of is the depression that grips this world, the hatred that fills it and the devastation that is left in it by bastards of it.

So, without me knowing (or admitting it) I had another point for 2011, to change my outlook on life.

And have I?

No. I haven't.

Though rereading that, I wouldn't say that I have pessimism filling up my life. I've started to believe that  I'm a realist. Yes, sometimes I have that thought where the fireworks are just explosions of burning bank notes that will fall and burn on the poorer classes of Britain. But, I don't think that at any point this year, I thought "life isn't worth living" or something similar.

But then again, I've never thought like that. I know that's not really pessimism, I just have no idea how to quote a stereotypical pessimist. Regardless, all I know is that I'm beginning to train myself to see things as they are. I know I complain last year about only being able to see the world through monotonous eyes, but now I think I only do that on certain things. I mean, I don't think that way with people, neither do I think that way with other situations.

I don't know how to describe it, all I know is that I'm beginning to think realistically. I don't become so egotistical and thinking that things can never be bad, while on the other hand I don't pray that things don't get worse. Basically, I know that in the current situation I'm in, things can be better and they can be worse. When you think like that, life seems different. Kind of. I think.

So yeah, I've actually wrote this up much quicker than I thought I would. And now comes to the part of the end-of-year blog post where I state a few points which I hope to do in 2012. In no order whatsoever...

1. Stay up there with my university course. Basically, I'm aiming for a first overall, but I will be content with anything from 2:1 up (or a extremely high 2:2 and up).
2. Improve my abilities with the Welsh language. This should get better due to me translating stuff, but I'm not doing too well at the moment...
3. Don't go into debt (and, if they allow it, stay as a Clic employer for as long as possible - optional).
4. Keep writing my Dear World series (though it might turn from a weekly thing to fortnightly, depending on what else I'm doing).
5. Improve my musical abilities.
6. Complete as many Final Fantasy games as possible. This isn't being serious, I just think it's sad that I've only really completed two of the games (three if you count Dissidia Duodecim) and I've got about five or six of them. It's rather sad to just not complete the games from this epic series (and write reviews for them - optional).
7. Improve your new media skills. And no, I don't mean social media, I mean with editing and design stuff.
8. Build up confidence. I don't mean this so I'd go out more and start performing Shakespeare's plays in the middle of Cardiff, but more so I'd be able to edit a video of myself without flinching over the sound of my voice or how hideous I think I look...

As with every single year, I'm not really bothered about finding "that special someone" in 2012. Not that I don't want to find someone, no. More like I'd rather just let it happen rather than me look for someone in a bar to have awkward sex with them. I'm not going to be disappointed if I don't find someone, and if I do find someone I probably won't tell anyone due to me being rather secretive. Ha.

That's it. I've actually blogged at least once every month of 2011. Do you think I can do it next year? Nah, nobody cares. Ah well, let us stand upon the epic sphere of life and roll into 2012. 

Blog to you next year.

- I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle, FIN.

Welsh Invasion

I'm rather shocked, if I'm completely honest with you.

Because I'm a rather sad child, I recently looked at the stats of all my blogs. This blog seems to get (on average) about three views a day, which isn't bad at all in my eyes. My other blogs, which are an extension of my Dear World articles on Wicid and on Clic, aren't doing as well. But then again, they are doing well on both sites (this blog and Wicid/Clic).

As I looked upon the stats of all my blogs, I turned my attention to the Welsh Dear World blog, named Annwyl Fyd, and its statistics. And I turned my attention to the referral links.

And what did I see?

A referral from Hedyn?

What's this? I thought to myself.

I clicked on the link, and this was the result.

If you don't go on it, it gives a small introduction (with links) to my Annwyl Fyd website. I was gobsmacked. Why is it up there?

I dug further, and Hedyn seems to be some sort of portal for blogs in the medium of Welsh.

That is a win in my book.

I was intrigued by this. So, like the sad child that I am, I searched Annwyl Fyd into Google. Unexpectedly, my articles were the first ones in the search. Then, as I entered the third or so page of the search results, I stumbled upon another Welsh-based blog, Blogiadur. This has a collection of all Welsh blogs. To me, the win level has increased tenfold for me.

I don't know if this means that the Dear World articles are any good. Maybe they just add any Welsh blog up to those sites. But yeah, it's still an achievement. Fuck yeah, indeed.

Talking about Wicid and Clic, there shall be a Wicid residential soon. I shall let you know how that goes.

Oh, and in university news, I've passed my first Radio Production assignment with fifty five percent. That means that I'm still on track of passing every assignment first time. Yes, I know I failed my second Video Production assignment, but even then only by five percent.

I shall leave you now. Mwahahaha.

- Find me somebody to FIN

Break It Down.

Today, I was looking back at the past blog posts, and I stumbled upon the post named Diweddglo, which was written before the Earth had it's two thousandth and tenth birthday. It had four 'hopes' there...

And it got me thinking...

How close am I to them.

Let's revisit them, shall we?...

First one was about the exam results, and my hope that I would get into Swansea Metropolitan University to study Interactive Media Design. This was also before the open day when I went to visit the university. If I haven't said before, it doesn't seem like a good university. To me, for some bizarre reason, the building felt like the old Rhydfelen, but without the soul. The tutors sounded bored out of their skulls, and the only flicker of happiness from the people in the university was the image of a land that time forgot (otherwise known as Swansea itself). Now, I'm not calling Swansea a shitehole. But, it must say something about a university when nearly everyone looks bored and looks like they want out, right?

Luckily, I went to the Atrium for Creative Technologies and Music Technology. I won't bore you with the details of them, but I received offers from both courses. Music Technology for 300 points, and Creative Technologies for 280.

As out of the two Atrium courses Creative Technologies was my first choice, it made no sense for me to make a course that required more points to get into as an insurance, nor did it make any sense to go to a university where the tutors were counting down the days to retirement. So, I went for the Creative Technologies as my first and only choice.

And, about the grades I'm expected, you're better off looking at this post...

The second hope, which was to start a band, or at least work with a songwriter, I'm not sure where I am with that. Nick (who I know from school, if you didn't know) asked if I could be the bassist for his band (or possibly, bands). But, as nothing has really happened yet, I'm still not sure what will arise from his proposition. I still really want to work with a lyricist, even if we become like the band Gorilaz and just exist as animated characters. But, I'm still looking for a wordsmith of sorts...

There's no point talking about the third one. I can't see any chance of finding someone this year. Maybe next year (or decade), Ga?...

And the last one, keeping in contact with the people I like after school finished. I have done that, sort of. Be that meeting up if a pub for Jam Night or seeing some of them during the Wicid meetings. But, lets see what'll happen after September, shall we?...

I also have a question for you. With some things, parents can pass certain traits to their offspring. I remember, during a GCSE Biology lesson, me and my friend were having a discussion, which ended up with him asking the teacher (who was Mr Porter) if gambling was in people's genes. And he said they were. I know (well, I think I know but I'm not sure) that the possibility of certain illnesses is increased if the parent has that illness (for example, some cancers, mental illnesses, others).

So, my question is this. Well, not this, but you know what I mean...

Is alcoholism hereditary?

Answers (or thoughts) are welcome in the form of a comment, a Twitter mention or a passing comment on the street in real life.

But yeah, that is it for now. If I get a why are you asking if alcoholism is hereditary? question sometime, I may elaborate in blog form at a later date. But for now. Au revoir.

- And next on BBC One, The FIN Show...