Save Me Sorrow

No word of a lie to you, I'm pretty scared.

Not in the sense of oh shit, there's a spider scared, mind. And you've probably guessed what it is about.

Yes, it's that thing that I mentioned before. Sleep.

Ever since the happenings from my last post, I have been feeling extremely paranoid about falling to sleep. As the clock at the top right of the screen on my Macbook graces ever closer to the late night, my brain just begins a cycle of panic and doubt.

I can't deny it, and I won't deny it. I fucking well hate sleep. I've never liked it. The more that I exist, the more I think sleep is just natures way to steal hours from our lives from under our noses. But it's a hate-hate relationship. I hate sleep, and by raisins it hates me too.

But, and it's just a guess, I think sleep hates me more than I hate it.

After the whole thing last Tuesday, I've had some minor versions of it happen at a rate of once every two to three days. Last night's sleep is an example. I went to bed at about half one, and then half an hour after, I wake up, feeling extremely bizarre.

But, I have found out something that is rather curious. This is happened exactly, nearly, a year ago. This is the first mention of when my problems with sleep occurred first. Look at the date. What is it? January the sixteenth, 2010, with this being the second mention, eight days after.

Now, look at the date of my last post. Eleventh of January. Roughly a year ago.

One thing that will make me panic, is either if this thing will occur next year. And, if so, what sort of period of time am I looking at. Or, will it only be in January when I have these fuckups in the sleep department? No idea.

There is only one thing that I definitely know for now. For the next few weeks, I will feel rather nervous about going to sleep.

I think I need help.

There is two possibilities that could be the reason that I have problems like these with sleep. The first, which kind of fixed it the last time, was vitamin deficiency. After the first few times that the whole sleep paranoia happened, my mother advised me to take Berocca. I have no idea if that is the right way to spell it, but then again who gives a shit.

This time, even though I've started to take Berocca again, my mother believes that it could be something else. Caffeine. I could have a caffeine intolerance, meaning that if I have too much of it, I have trouble sleeping. Though, this might not be the case, as I have consumed products that contain caffeine (such as coke and tea) for ages, so maybe not that then.

I'm hoping to see a doctor soon about it. Maybe then they'll find out something about me that I fear. I don't care if that sounds pathetic. If you found out something about you that's wrong with you, no matter how small, you'll (probably) feel a bit worried, yeah?

I don't know. Maybe it's just my brain trying to tell me to stop being an arsehole.

Time will tell, eh?

- Mr Sandman, give me a FIN.

Revenge Of The Myth

It happened again.

You know before, I had problems sleeping which was fixed somehow by the magic of Berocca. Well, I had forgotten to take them for weeks now, and it seems like my sleeping pattern has gotten worse every day since, which ended up with my worst experience I've ever had.

For the past few weeks, I've found myself waking up early in the morning, sweating like a bitch. I know, you didn't need to know that, but it gives you an idea on how I've been sleeping up to now. I've been sleeping rather fine for the past few days, to be fair. I've woken up earlier and went to bed relatively late. But I wasn't tired, it was just a minor inconvenience, really.

Last night, at about two-ish in the morning, I finally decided to go to sleep. The next thing I knew, I was having a nightmare. I can't tell you exactly what it was about, because I hate you. No, that's a lie. I just cannot remember properly what the dream was. All I remember of the dream is that I felt that I was being sucked into a piece of metal. A form of suffocation and falling rolled into one hell of a dream.

The problem was that it was not the fact that I had the dream, I've had worse dreams than that before and coped (relatively) well with it. It's the fact that I've had some sort of a hallucination.

I woke up, screaming. At this point, I still felt that I was being sucked into some metal. I was screaming so much, that my sister thought that it was the dog barking. They rushed in, they being my sisters and my mother, and they just hugged me (well, one of my sisters went to get me a cup of tea). Why they hugged me? I guess it was because I was shaking and crying. I know that makes me sound like a weak wazzock, I'm not bothered.

As I regained sanity, I realised what the situation is. I was there, in my mother's arms, staring at the floor, realising that it was just a bad dream. I knew at that point that I have something wrong with me. No idea what, but it seems to be something that can be easily fixed by drinking a Berocca once a day. The one thing I thought during all this was that I had woken everyone else up. I think it freaked everyone out. Me especially.

I know, this isn't a good subject for a blog. That, and it makes me look like a mentalist who can only be calmed down by his mother. I don't know, I just wanted to document this. I fucking well hope that anything like this happens again. I'm sure you'll hear about it if it does.

Fuck.

- Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the FIN

Freak On A Leash

Well hello there.

I need to think of better intros.

So yeah, I've a-got a stiff key on my keyboard. The '-' key... though I think it's better now.

This week, I have two exams. Both the third exam of the sciences, and yet they call them CH4 and PH4... ironic?

Nah, but let us pretend that it is, to make my post look evermore amusing...

Anyways, Chemistry's the first one. Not really confident with it, though I doubt I'll cry myself to sleep over it. Then Physics should be better, just about. But on the whole, I bloody hope I get at least C's in both of them, and high ones.

Why?

Well, to put it simply, I need the UCAS points. And on that note, I've got three offers now. WOOP.

The first offer was a couple o'days after my interview with the Atrium... and you can guess where I got the offer from. Yep, from the Atrium (I couldn't think of a witty thing for there). It's a conditional offer (well, all three of 'em are), and I have to get 280 points to get into there to study Creative Technologies (Multimedia). To be fair, I'll probably end up having this as my first choice. Yeah, boy.

The second (and third, since I had them on the same day), I only realized on Friday that I had it (thank you YahooMail for giving me a notification...). Both courses - Interactive Digital Media and Multimedia - are asking for 160 points... with at least two D's. So yeah. I haven't actually seen Swansea Metropolitan University, but they are supposed to be one of the best Universities in Wales (and the UK.. possibly) for digital media. But the Interactive Digital Media course might be my second choice.

I have two more courses to come back to me, both of them are Music Technology for the two Universities that I've applied for (y'know, Atrium and Swansea Met).

And I just saw an advert for a show, and one clip on it made me want it to be Monday and for me to be in school now. Fuck, I thought that was over ages ago. Nevermind...

In other news, which is kind of connected with the university section... Wicid.tv will be launched fully this Wednesday. But since I have a Chemistry exam on that day, I'll probably either miss it or go later, after school (because there's a Physics lesson after the exam). The site's up now, I think. Or at least a test one's up. But yeah, the link's there for ya, bruv.

And yeah, I've started to grow a hatred towards sleep now.

Because, since the beginning of this year, I've had either trouble sleeping, or a really fucked up dream. I either wake up feeling really paranoid, or screaming (well, only once that;s happened) or just thinking where the fuck did that come from? Anyone have any ideas on how these can disappear and allow me to have nice dreams? Ta bruv. =].

Er. I shall go now.

- NIF.

Undisclosed Sanity.

These past few days have been weird.

Yeah, didn't see that coming, eh?

Oh, by the way, the Chipmunks OST is basically the original tracks, but edited. Like someone's actually going to spend money on that...

Anyways. First reason of weirdness. Sleep.

For some reason, I keep waking up during the night and feeling scared and paranoid. I don't know why. This has happened roughly three nights (I think) in the past five. I always do the same thing... wake up all panicky, then stare at my wall to see if my writing is moving (yeah, if you don't know, I've got all writing on my wall). The only problem is that my mind makes me think that it is (maybe because my eyes are tired, I don't know...). Then I head to the light and knock the light on, nothing different. I just stare at my walls to see if there's anything new on the walls - nothing (obvliously...). No idea why I've done this. I'm just freaked out by it, and kind of scared of it happening again...

Not only that, I keep having weird dreams. Example, I was in school, and for some reason a girl was just sitting opposite, but as the dream went on and on (all that was happening was that the majority of the school was in the sports hall, just sitting there), her skirt kept getting higher, showing her inner thighs and ultimately, her vagina. No idea why I dreampt of that, dreaming of a girl whose showing me her vagina. No idea what it meant, so I went online to see what it could mean. I could only find if you see your own vagina in a dream (something to do with sexual urges/needs and/or femininity). But since I didn't see mine (well, I don't have one... or do I?...), so yeah, another thing to be confused about.

And yes, for some reason, I think there's some messages your brain gives you when you dream... Happy days, eh?

The good side is, I've had my first University interview today, for Creative Technologies (Multimedia) in the Atrium (I don't understand why they spell it ATRiuM though.... shame). It was a good'un, I think. The interviewer seemed impressed with the web designs I've done, and the course content is up my street.

Yeah...

So yeah, I have three exams, the first starting this week. The resit, CH2. Hope it goes well, don't fancy another Chemistry resit. Then the week after I have my CH4 and PH4. Should at least pass one of them. =).

I have no idea what to say now. Lucky you.

So I shall say my final word.

- McFin.