Dandelion Mind

In just a few weeks, I will be twenty-one.

If you want to be absolute, I'm already twenty-one. You know, considering I was living in my mother's womb for nine months. Good thing she never asked for rent. But for the case of reason, logic and sanity, I'm twenty-one in a few weeks.

For some reason, the same thought just keeps coming back to me...

I don't like where I am in life.

Now, that has nothing to do with my work, my friends or anything like that. I really do like working where I am, and I have a good time with the people I see on an irregular basis. It's just, looking at where other people are in their lives, it makes me wonder if I am in the right place in mine.

When I say that, I don't mean that I look at the people who I went to school with and see how varied their lives are. I mean, some are already married, some have kids, some are working in the industry they want, and some have wealthy parents who can buy everything for them to have an easy life.

And then there's me, still confused as to where I'm heading in life.

As I said, it's nothing to do with the people I know or what I do. It's all about me.

And that, my improbable reader, is something that will make me sound like some attention seeking whore who wants nothing but attention. Didn't need the second attention there, yeah? Seems I need a lesson in grammar (orly?).

I look at myself and think, what can I do? And yes, I mean both skill-wise and personally. If that makes sense.

And I don't like thinking like this.

You know, where the only thing you can think of is your own worth in the world. Whatever I can do, there are at least three people I know who can do it better, faster and the like.

I know, comparing yourself to people is looked down upon. The whole it doesn't matter what or who you are, as long as you're you or whatever bullshit that gets spilled out to people. It's obvious that it does matter. Would you employ someone who has no skills in the required field just because their honest with themselves? I highly doubt it.

For the most part, I know that everything is relative. Like my ability with the Welsh language. To those who have no clue of how to speak Welsh, I am a font of knowledge, but to those who speak the language fully week in week out, I must look like a right amateur.

As I said before, it's not just about skills. It's about me as a person also.

I have probably used up a quarter of my life, and what have I done? Nothing but stay in my room and try to get better at the things I like to do. Some might say that's a good thing, meaning that I'd develop into something that can only mean good things for me career-wise. And in a way, they're right. I mean, if it wasn't for the abundance of my time just spent lying in bed, watching After Effects tutorials, I'd probably be slightly worse than I am now.

Shit, this is gone into skillsets again. My apologies.

Anyway, those twenty-one years have mainly been spent in my bedroom, the smallest room in my house. Everyone else my age has probably spent most of their lives outside, doing what young people do these days, whatever that is.

At first, it was because none of my friends lived close to me to meet up. Then, when I found someone who actually did, I didn't know how to start socialising with them. That story started roughly thirteen years ago, and has repeated itself from the start about two to three years ago.

Anyway, as the social began to be more social, experimenting with drink and money, I did what was natural to me; stay home and waste my time power-leveling characters in games or thinking about pointless subject matters like my own mortality.

And that has made me into the person I am right now; someone who I don't really like.

I mean, considering my profession of choice, I will need to talk to people and possibly maybe teach people. A good example is of today, there was a work experience girl who had no idea how to use Photoshop, so I was asked to teach her something basic.

I did so, but I could feel my voice shaking. It was like I had developed a stutter in the two minutes between being told I had to do it and actually needing to do it. She did it, but it didn't help that I seemed like I had no idea what I was on about.

I mean, if someone was teaching you something and they were bloody nervous doing so, would you really trust what they were saying?

Fuck.

In other news, the closer November comes, the more apparent my thoughts of death appear. I don't know why this happens, but for the last few years or so, the closer my birthday comes the more I think of death. And I don't like it.

And before anyone says otherwise; I am trying to change. I am trying to be someone who isn't just a rat in a self-built cage. But every attempt that I do, it seems to backfire on me.

C'est la vie, apparently.

- Satan, laughing, spreads his wings. Oh lord, FIN.

Because Text

I have discovered something rather normal about my educational life.

And that is the following - I have no imagination.

I can't sit down and plan out what I want to do when it comes to designing shit. Here's two perfect example, set in some rather boring paragraphs.

For university, I have two assignments. The first one asks me to create a 20-30 second title sequence that involves 3D animation, and another asking me to film something and add effects in to it, either simple shit like when someone reads a text on Sherlock or when shit gets real in Harry Potter. And no, I'm not using those examples to gain readers. If I did, I'd state that I'd need to add reason to Justin Bieber's music.

But the thing is, I have no idea what I'm doing. I know what to do technique wise, but for the actual content side of things? Fuck. I'm dead inside. Nothing but soulless examples of the chances of my failing this year increases each day.

Any idea I do have, though, ends up being balls-breakingly difficult or extremely costly. I wanted to do something for the 3D assignment where a sphere falls and breaks on the floor, then the camera focusing to the logo of a news programme. But apparently, you need a plug-in for that, one that costs over £200. Curse you, nameless plug-in.

I'm also kind of dreading my mark for Sound Technology. It's just dawned on me, that module is a smaller manifestation of my entire mathematical life. When I was younger, I was really good at maths. I was almost always in the top ten percent in my year. But with each year passing, I started to progressively worsen. From high 80%s in year seven to barely scratching 55%s in my GCSE year.

It's not that I found the work difficult, it's not. I've always liked maths, and always understood everything I was told, but apparently I can't put it into practice on the examination field.

The same with Sound Tech. If someone asked me to help them set up a Z5 so they could record audio using a boom, I could help them no problem. If they need help editing the audio and making it sound unedited, I could help. But there's always a little thing that someone finds wrong in your work, whether it's an ill-explained reasoning why x is 3 or a misplaced fade out.

It's not a nerve thing, before anyone thinks that. I have never sat down before doing an exam or an assignment and thinking oh shit, I know nothing of what I need to do to pass, shit. I've never done that. When everyone around me was revising the differences between Lithium, Sodium, Magnesium and Potassium while wailing I suck at life, I'll prepare for a life of mediocrity because I don't know which elements have D-orbitals, I was just sitting there, looking over my notes while listening to some Bob Marley.

Am I just a naive idiot? One who thinks he knows his stuff but it turns out that he's just a mediocre wanker with no reason to live other than to siphon light from everyone? I don't know, but that sounds extremely sad, so to happy things up, here's a picture of a hairless cat playing a double bass.

Baaaaaaaaaaaase.

Now, in other news, I'm still alive. I've done what feels like fuck all in every aspect of my life. It feels like I'm doing fuck all with university work, and everything in work is just time consuming (not that I'm complaining about work, it's possibly one of the best things to happen to me since my introduction to Final Fantasy X, and that just shows how much of an arsehole I am).

In other, unrelated news, I'm (still) doing my CLICvlogs as part of my university work. And you know what? I really like doing them. Recently, I've kind of lost faith in them, since we've done nine or so of them and nobody was interested in being a part of it, so it was turning out to being one man and his two vlogs. And if you have no idea what I'm on about, here be link to CLICvlog, and here's another YouTube link.

But yeah, for some reason unknown to me, the past few ones have been really fun to film and edit. Maybe it's because I also filmed a vlog for Sam where he calls Jesus an attention seeker, or maybe it's the most recent one, but they've suddenly become really fun for me. I'm not saying that they were getting boring, but I'm saying that CLICvlog is starting to fulfill one of its primary aims, which is to allow young people to share their views. Yes, CLIC is there for the textual side, and CLICplay is there for video, I just thought that it was a thing to get people who are part of CLIC to join together and create something that (hopefully) everyone would at least watch one or two from time to time.

And all that from a shit idea for a university assignment. I need a life. Pity that won't be happening since I just bought Pokemon Black and Mass Effect 2. Yeah, that's right. Fear my lack of sociability in the next few months.

In other news, I'm done. And I believe my dinner is too. I shall go get it, then come back upstairs to eat it in my room alone. Maybe someday I'll write a shitty Dear World about my relationship with food. Because everyone loves reading everything I say. I'm so awesome.

- Just in case you didn't get the last bit, that was sarcasm. Also, FIN. Why do I still write FIN at the end of these? Who knows, maybe I'll get sponsored by some FIN compony or something. Also, please say I'm not the only one who saw that picture and instantly thought of the last scene of Portal 2?

Something To Do With That Thing

Guess what?

No, but close enough.

This week (as in the 27th of October (roughly the first year anniversary of the inception of my Dear World articles.

What, no fanfare? No half naked people walking around with pheasants dancing on their shoulders? Ah well, maybe next year, yeah?

But, it's true. On (roughly) the twenty seventh of October last year, I wrote my first Dear World on Guitar Hero. Since then, I've written over forty articles in the series, ranging form to topical to the idiotic.

Now, enough with that. Some news.

If you haven't guessed, this post has been resting in the basket of draftness since the last few days of October. Why? I really couldn't be arsed to write something.

First of all, I had a mini fuck-up. That is all.

Second of all, I got a job. And it's part time with Clic. I highly consider that a win. That said, I'm rather unsure of what my role will be. I don't mind, though. Work's work, and I'm liking it so far. Hopefully I'll do good.

Third off, I had a test in setting up a camera for audio and got full marks. I know, I'm a God at this sort of thing.

Lastly,  I've discovered that I have a thing for asymmetry. Well, when it comes to women's hair. No idea why though. Ah well.

And to catch up on all the latest news, here are some stock replies. Use them however you wish.

- "Whoa, didn't think that would happen".
- "So that's what they mean by steaming an ostrich..."
- "Why is this news?"
- "It's political correctness gone mad"
- "I know, right?"

So yeah. g'bye.

- "What's wrong, Timmy?" "Nuffin..." "Sorry darling, I can't hear you..." "I said NIFFIN. Gaaaaad." (Yeah, I really need to improve on these outros...)

Sunburst

Wel siwmae, hên frind. How's it hanging?

Well, that's the first tine in an age that I've used Welsh in a blog. Or in anything in general.

If you have not guessed by my activity on Twitter or Tumblr, I am better from chicken pox. Huzzah for recovery from ailments.

At this moment in time, I am currently writing a Dear World for Wicid which, hoping that it'll go to plan, will be published tomorrow. And if not tomorrow, I shall ask what the problem is on Tuesday as I shall be attending an accreditation workshop in Miskin run by Clic, I believe.

Anyway, it seems when I am stuck on a piece of writing (be that work for university, a blog post, an article for Wicid), I turn to YouTube in my hour of writer's block. For what? Well, to see endless videos of comedy, that's what.

How does it help? It doesn't. It hinders more than anything. It just makes me go "mehehehe, I want to watch more" and all that jazz. And then the hours sail past, it's five in the morning and I need to sleep before the sleep owls scratch my eyes to the endless slumber.

Anyway, this is just a thing for me to spur myself to write more of my Dear World. For some unknown reason, the last Dear World I wrote went up a week and a half late. They had nothing to say about it, but all I knew is that it was up when I queried it.

So yeah, that's it really. Nothing exciting happening in my life. Apart from me reliving  Final Fantasy X again from the beginning. Probably the best game that I've ever played on a PS2, possibly ever.

Not only that, I'm having the temptation to play its sequel, Final Fantasy X-2. I know that the story is extremely cheesy and there's a lot of "girly"parts in it (not being sexist when saying that), but the look of the gameplay (the battles, more than anything) is beginning to interest me. Hmm. Maybe I'll just wait until FFXIII-2 comes out. That should be a laugh. and don't get me started on how epic Versus XIII looks. Thank fuck I bought a PS3. Ha.

Yeah, I'm done, ya?

- All we here is, radio FIN FIN.

Want You Gone

Oh, hello there, squire. How goes it?

Oh, that's nice.

Well, that seems to wrap everything up pretty nicely. See you in the next blog.

I'm kidding. Oh, how I fooled you. I fooled you rather splendidly, didn't I? Well, unless you've looked at the amount of text in this post before actually reading the wall of text, meaning you already knew I was joking... Ah well, worth a try, eh?

Anyway, I somewhat apologise for the lack of content on this here blog. I've either have been busy, or just couldn't think of anything of worth to waste your precious moments that are universally known as time.

This is really an update of my life. And, as I haven't done any updating of my life (other than how my jokes and humour has gone from terribly to close to apocalyptically bad), I shall start...... now.

First off, I now own a PS3. I've probably told you already, but I thought I'd remind you. And no, not for bragging purposes. I just fancied one, so I got one. Then again, I bought it the moment some blasted hacker decided to attack Sony's gaming network. Curse you, unnamed person or group.

Since then, I've been really tempted to write game reviews. Maybe if Wicid or Clic someday get a contact who'll let people in the editorial team to do game reviews on new releases, I might do that. Then again, I've only got two "new" games - LA Noire and Portal 2. Both are very good titles, it must be said. And I feel odd reviewing old games. Ah, I might review them games, as practice. I'll be rubbish at it, mind. Ah well, worth a go, eh?

What else... er... oh, I attended the Eisteddfod this year. In Swansea, so it goes. Fancy reading about it? How about having a gander in my latest Dear World article? Oh, I'm a master of linking things together, aren't I? No? Ah well.

Oh, that reminds me. You know that post I did a while ago, about my Dear World on Insults had been taken down due to there being swearing on it (even if there was a note on the top of the article saying that there was swearing In the article)? Well, it's up. And you know what the best thing about it is? It went straight away up onto Clic. Fuck yeah. I'm rather surprised that the one after that, about Politics, didn't have the same problems due to it being of the political persuasion.

I have also filmed some stuff with Sormer007 for a new project. And yes, I did use his Clic username. Read his stuff. S'good shit, there. But yeah, hopefully there'll be more videos in the future. Yeah...

I honestly can't think of any other subject matters to discuss. If I do, I'll post a new post.

For the moment, dude.

- I used to want you dead but now I only want you FIN.

Welsh Invasion

I'm rather shocked, if I'm completely honest with you.

Because I'm a rather sad child, I recently looked at the stats of all my blogs. This blog seems to get (on average) about three views a day, which isn't bad at all in my eyes. My other blogs, which are an extension of my Dear World articles on Wicid and on Clic, aren't doing as well. But then again, they are doing well on both sites (this blog and Wicid/Clic).

As I looked upon the stats of all my blogs, I turned my attention to the Welsh Dear World blog, named Annwyl Fyd, and its statistics. And I turned my attention to the referral links.

And what did I see?

A referral from Hedyn?

What's this? I thought to myself.

I clicked on the link, and this was the result.

If you don't go on it, it gives a small introduction (with links) to my Annwyl Fyd website. I was gobsmacked. Why is it up there?

I dug further, and Hedyn seems to be some sort of portal for blogs in the medium of Welsh.

That is a win in my book.

I was intrigued by this. So, like the sad child that I am, I searched Annwyl Fyd into Google. Unexpectedly, my articles were the first ones in the search. Then, as I entered the third or so page of the search results, I stumbled upon another Welsh-based blog, Blogiadur. This has a collection of all Welsh blogs. To me, the win level has increased tenfold for me.

I don't know if this means that the Dear World articles are any good. Maybe they just add any Welsh blog up to those sites. But yeah, it's still an achievement. Fuck yeah, indeed.

Talking about Wicid and Clic, there shall be a Wicid residential soon. I shall let you know how that goes.

Oh, and in university news, I've passed my first Radio Production assignment with fifty five percent. That means that I'm still on track of passing every assignment first time. Yes, I know I failed my second Video Production assignment, but even then only by five percent.

I shall leave you now. Mwahahaha.

- Find me somebody to FIN

Is There Anyone At Home?

Come on now.

I know you're feeling down.

But I can ease the pain, and get you on your feet again.

Relax, I'm not going to do a post about Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb, though I must admit that I've been playing it on guitar and singing. I can't sing, but there's something about playing that song, among other songs, that make you want to sing.

Anyways, I thought I'd update you on some of the things I've done since the last post.

The first thing is that I've done my first two assignments for university. Weren't as bad as I thought it was, though I now have a hatred for Final Cut Pro. Fuck, just realised I'm supposed to write the 'development of my video production skills' as my last assignment for one of the courses. Poo. Ah well.

I have, for some reason, began to write a series on Wicid. The series is called Dear World. I got the idea from what David Mitchell does with his Soapbox, though with my articles it's more like a letter to the world (as in the planet itself, not its people). I would've done it as a series of videos, but since I have the face for radio and a voice for books I just decided to do articles of it. Happy days.

Anyway, the thing I was going to do with the Dear World articles is to practice my comedy writing (though I know I have no skill in writing comedy). Now, four articles in, its turned into a more of a series to question the world around me. No idea why though. Two of them have been featured on the Clic website (which covers all of Wales), so the series must have something about it for that to happen.

The first one I've written is on Guitar Hero. I question why people think games such as Guitar Hero and Rock Band are crap. This is one of the two Dear World articles that have been up on Clic.

The second one, on the same week as my birthday, is about death. Yes, for some reason, on the week of my nineteenth birthday I decided to write about death. Lovely.

Last week's instalment is about my thoughts on drink and drugs. It just discusses my relationship with drugs and alcohol. Such a different thing that I thought I would be writing about.

Finally, my latest article is about God and religion. I just question religion as a whole. This is the other article that has been put up on Clic, the very same day as I stuck it up on Wicid, in fact. So one of the editors must've liked it enough to think it's good enough for Clic.

Also, there must be a translating ninja on Wicid, since the two articles that have not been up on Clic have been translated to Welsh. Granted, the one's on Clic automatically get translated, but the ones that have not been featured on Clic have been translated to Welsh. I'm not complaining, mind. I like the fact that Clic and its websites use the Welsh language. But, if you fancy reading those articles in Welsh, you can read them here, here and here. There is no Welsh version for the artilce about God, since it has only been set live today.

But yeah, Dear World is a new series of mine, with a new (hopefully) every Monday. If people start to hate the idea, I shall stop, but until then, happy days. =].

In other news, I have a Macbok now. I got it so I could do more for longer (ha, sounds rather sick to me), and to end up being a replacement laptop for my dying one. Ah well.

Also, I'm still looking for someone to help me make a band with my music. I may be in a band with my cousin Michael, Burt and someone who lives close to Burt, but what I mean is that I'd like to be in a band that'd play the style of my songs. Not saying Grrr, I should be the sole music writer, I just want to be in a band that plays the same genre as I do. Even though I have no idea what genre I am. And no, I am NOT emo.

I will leave you now, as I have a sneeking suspision that I'm supposed to be doing something now. Not only that, I haven't installed a dictionary for Firefox yet, so this post might be rife with mistakes. Ah well.

- I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, singing FIN-O, got to let go.