I Don't Know

It seems as if I have a love/hate relationship with the stuff I make.

This week, I did this.

It was for the AE Challenge I set myself, where I was planning on designing something every other day during the Christmas holidays. This was the second one.

I used Particular to get the whole line stuff, and then other stuff to get the other stuff. Very informative information, there.

Anyway, considering I made this in under two hours or so (and off memory, too), I'm rather pleased with the result. But, there seems to be something off with it.

At first, I thought it was the kerning, the fact that (for example) you can see the end of the 'y' inside the 'D', or that there's a shadow for the text but not for the actual lines. I have no idea.

I also have trouble labeling the style of this. Is this style suited more for a poster promoting dubstep or house music more than a personal desktop background?

I don't know.

And that's something that seems to be my saying of the last few months.

For some reason, I just say I don't know if I have no idea how to explain myself or something I've been asked about. Some times, it's because I have no idea about it.

Other times, mind, it's think it's because I assume that I'm instantly wrong, therefore I instantly think that I shield myself by just saying I don't know rather than just saying what I believe, right or wrong.

Is this real life? Or is it just idiocy?

Like many things, I don't know.

In other news, I've failed the whole AE challenge thing that I gave myself, and I failed it miserably. No idea why. I was really up for it, but then my mind decided that thinking about things was more important than developing my After Effects skills. If it does the same when I'm in my second half of my placement, I'll go ape shit.

And that's another thing, In about two weeks, I'll be starting my second placement, this time with Burning Red. my fuck, that's both worrying and brilliant at the same time.

In other, other news, I've started to write scripts for videos for some reason. I've finished one, and I've almost written the second one. Both of them make no sense, both of them involve After Effects and both involve at least one character lying on the ground in pain. No idea why I've suddenly thought you know what would be funny? If one person stands for something they wrongly believe and punishes another person by putting someone else in a world of pain. 

Brilliant, brain. Absolute brilliance.

Anyway, the ideas aren't original. Someone, somewhere has already done it three thousand times, and they've done it to a higher standart that I'll ever hope to reach. I just really need the practice in After Effects that involve live action. Not really had enough practice with it.

Ah well.

Anyway, I should leave for now. It's time I should go to sleep if I want to get back into waking up early before I go back to work.

- Back in the day, we didn't finish blog posts with a stupid sentence and putting FIN in there somewhere. We had decent endings, ones that made you feel loved and happy and had a message about not smoking or something.

Define It

Do you ever think who and what the fuck am I??

I do.

It mainly occurs when I read other people's biographies on social media sites. I just saw one who described them as loving, caring, intuitive person and the like.

My main thought on that, without sounding like I'm being a total arse, is what makes you think you're the things you think you are?

I mean, I'd like to think I'm somewhat a decent person, someone who has a sense of humour and can be relied on. But it's not really up to me to describe myself. It's up to the people who are (un)fortunate to meet me.

For all I know, people may consider me an absolute twat who's only plus side is the lack of socialising I do. I don't really know what people think of me, but that's their right. And let's be honest here, they are a better judge of me than I am, considering I only see my own perspective while others see everyone else's.

Does that make sense? Does anyone read this blog? Not sure if any of those questions will ever get answered.

But the main one is when it comes to what I do. I've heard/seen people call themselves all sorts, just because either that's the thing they do most or they just can.

I mean, I can call myself a professional photographer, a director, cameraman, editor, translator, designer, compositor and writer. But I don't. Why? Well, just because I do those things (and by directing, I just tell people where to sit/stand so they are in shot and the like, nothing arty or anything like that) doesn't make me them.

You know that saying I live, therefore I am? It's either that or something like that, I don't know.

Back to the point; I'm not completely sure that's true.

Just because you live, doesn't necessarily mean that you're alive. Probably. This is all coming from someone who's only slept outside his home country for eight days, so I'm not the most knowledgable when it comes to life lessons.

Anyway, I think it's true. Just because I played a few games of cricket for Pontypridd, doesn't mean I'm a retired cricket player with a decent bowling average and a terrible batting average. It just makes me someone who used to play cricket.

And yes, for those who think that's a boring sport, I actually like playing cricket. Bowling can be both a stress reliever and a good way to make you think. Don't judge me, ya?

It's just that I see loads of people defining themselves as something just because they have an interest in it, when in all honestly they are either not good at it, or not as serious as they say they are.

That's why I hate it when someone asks me to describe myself to people. Unfortunately, where I work, we get a few young people in for work experience. And I have to say what I do. And I just repeat the same thing - I help out with translation, media and sometimes with moderating written content.

I have a problem defining myself, it seems.

There's only two things that I know I am, and that is a student and a male.

And that's the major one for me. I'm male, and I'm almost twenty one years old, a combination that usually results in someone describing themselves as a man.

But not me. Why? Mainly because I don't think I've done anything worthy of the title.

And no, I don't mean releasing my seed within a woman's baby chamber.

There's so many ways to define what a man is. And I don't think I'm any of it. Yet.

Maybe that'll change in decades to come. Maybe I'll be on my death bed, looking back at my past, and thinking that my younger self was just being an utter arse. So, nothing new there, then.

So, that was a blog post worth forgetting.

- I spent a few minutes trying to think of a way to end this by adding FIN into it, but I couldn't think of anything better than what I've just written. So yeah... FIN.