Because Text

I have discovered something rather normal about my educational life.

And that is the following - I have no imagination.

I can't sit down and plan out what I want to do when it comes to designing shit. Here's two perfect example, set in some rather boring paragraphs.

For university, I have two assignments. The first one asks me to create a 20-30 second title sequence that involves 3D animation, and another asking me to film something and add effects in to it, either simple shit like when someone reads a text on Sherlock or when shit gets real in Harry Potter. And no, I'm not using those examples to gain readers. If I did, I'd state that I'd need to add reason to Justin Bieber's music.

But the thing is, I have no idea what I'm doing. I know what to do technique wise, but for the actual content side of things? Fuck. I'm dead inside. Nothing but soulless examples of the chances of my failing this year increases each day.

Any idea I do have, though, ends up being balls-breakingly difficult or extremely costly. I wanted to do something for the 3D assignment where a sphere falls and breaks on the floor, then the camera focusing to the logo of a news programme. But apparently, you need a plug-in for that, one that costs over £200. Curse you, nameless plug-in.

I'm also kind of dreading my mark for Sound Technology. It's just dawned on me, that module is a smaller manifestation of my entire mathematical life. When I was younger, I was really good at maths. I was almost always in the top ten percent in my year. But with each year passing, I started to progressively worsen. From high 80%s in year seven to barely scratching 55%s in my GCSE year.

It's not that I found the work difficult, it's not. I've always liked maths, and always understood everything I was told, but apparently I can't put it into practice on the examination field.

The same with Sound Tech. If someone asked me to help them set up a Z5 so they could record audio using a boom, I could help them no problem. If they need help editing the audio and making it sound unedited, I could help. But there's always a little thing that someone finds wrong in your work, whether it's an ill-explained reasoning why x is 3 or a misplaced fade out.

It's not a nerve thing, before anyone thinks that. I have never sat down before doing an exam or an assignment and thinking oh shit, I know nothing of what I need to do to pass, shit. I've never done that. When everyone around me was revising the differences between Lithium, Sodium, Magnesium and Potassium while wailing I suck at life, I'll prepare for a life of mediocrity because I don't know which elements have D-orbitals, I was just sitting there, looking over my notes while listening to some Bob Marley.

Am I just a naive idiot? One who thinks he knows his stuff but it turns out that he's just a mediocre wanker with no reason to live other than to siphon light from everyone? I don't know, but that sounds extremely sad, so to happy things up, here's a picture of a hairless cat playing a double bass.

Baaaaaaaaaaaase.

Now, in other news, I'm still alive. I've done what feels like fuck all in every aspect of my life. It feels like I'm doing fuck all with university work, and everything in work is just time consuming (not that I'm complaining about work, it's possibly one of the best things to happen to me since my introduction to Final Fantasy X, and that just shows how much of an arsehole I am).

In other, unrelated news, I'm (still) doing my CLICvlogs as part of my university work. And you know what? I really like doing them. Recently, I've kind of lost faith in them, since we've done nine or so of them and nobody was interested in being a part of it, so it was turning out to being one man and his two vlogs. And if you have no idea what I'm on about, here be link to CLICvlog, and here's another YouTube link.

But yeah, for some reason unknown to me, the past few ones have been really fun to film and edit. Maybe it's because I also filmed a vlog for Sam where he calls Jesus an attention seeker, or maybe it's the most recent one, but they've suddenly become really fun for me. I'm not saying that they were getting boring, but I'm saying that CLICvlog is starting to fulfill one of its primary aims, which is to allow young people to share their views. Yes, CLIC is there for the textual side, and CLICplay is there for video, I just thought that it was a thing to get people who are part of CLIC to join together and create something that (hopefully) everyone would at least watch one or two from time to time.

And all that from a shit idea for a university assignment. I need a life. Pity that won't be happening since I just bought Pokemon Black and Mass Effect 2. Yeah, that's right. Fear my lack of sociability in the next few months.

In other news, I'm done. And I believe my dinner is too. I shall go get it, then come back upstairs to eat it in my room alone. Maybe someday I'll write a shitty Dear World about my relationship with food. Because everyone loves reading everything I say. I'm so awesome.

- Just in case you didn't get the last bit, that was sarcasm. Also, FIN. Why do I still write FIN at the end of these? Who knows, maybe I'll get sponsored by some FIN compony or something. Also, please say I'm not the only one who saw that picture and instantly thought of the last scene of Portal 2?

Into The Abyss I Will Run

I would like to begin by saying that this is my ninety-first blog post. Ninety-one posts in just over two years. That is rather mad. I may not post as often when I begin the road to science bachelorism, but then again, its me. There's a big possibility that I will.

Right, so what is this abyss? Well, its obvious, isn't it? Yes, I'm going to have intercourse with my long-term girlfriend tomorrow for the first time, and she has warned me that she has been compared to a wizard's sleeve. Ha, I fool you. I have no girlfriend, and I'll never have intercourse. Oh, what a web of laughter I have threaded in front of your very eyes indeed.

No, the abyss I am talking about is university. Okay, it is not an abyss, it's not an infinite amount of time, nor is it that I am going to be stuck in the atrium of education for a lifetime and a third (see what I did there? Brilliant...). But since I had a Disturbed song in my head, it kind of linked...

I just remembered (well, not just remembered, but go along with me) that I don't need much in the subject of stationary for my course. While some need endless books, countless pencils and the odd thing and that. But with me, from what I remember from the interview for my course, all I'd need is an external hard drive. That's it. A block of portable memory. Hey, I could probably get away with having about ten percent of the hard drive for my other stuff (ie, music, my songs I've done, ect) and the rest for university. Bonza, I'm a-ready. =].

Okay, it's obvious that I'd need more than a hard drive for my studies. I would need things for writing notes and that. Maybe I'm supposed to draw designs for stuff before I actually computerize them. Who knows. But there's something that has made me question my choice of course...

For this question, I shall take three specimen (well, they are friends, but carry on).

- Specimen one is studying French.
- Specimen two is studying History.
- Specimen three is studying Chemistry.
- And then I am studying Creative Technologies.

Okay, looking at those four courses, my course does sound, and I quote from a friend here, rather epic. But there is one thing that might separate my course from the other courses.

Take the first specimen. French. In three years, whatever they are studying will still be relevant in ten years. Bonjour will always mean good day, and bonbon will always be a goodgood name for a biscuit. In History, you can't change the past. Whatever happened centuries ago will always be that. In chemistry, a chemical reaction between sodium chloride and magnesium oxide will be the same in ten years as it will be in ten days...

But, what about the web? What about graphics?

During my interview day, the course leader stated that I (and the other students in the course) will learn how to code websites in the first month of studying there. But what are the chances of another coding technique that will make CSS, HTML and other types obsolete? Compared to the other courses that I listed above, I am studying a relatively young course, so it is susceptible to change. I mean, look how the look of websites have changed over the past ten years.

But, it kind of makes me happier that I've decided to study a young course. Why? Well, the tutors of the courses named might be somewhat set in their ways. Everything is set for them, and all they need to do is rewash their material for the next year and the next set of students. When, for my course, everything could change in a matter of months. I mean, look at how smartphones have landed onto the scene. Okay, there are some things that I could well study (such as basic radio and video) will more or less stay like that for a good few years, but there will be vast changes in this digital world. And I'm going to study it. Get in.

Oh, and before I carry on, I was not trying to belittle, or to make fun of those specimen who are studying Chemistry, French or History. I only used them as examples.

In other news, MKII is on her way to her baptism, and she said she's fine with me not going. I just hope MkII doesn't get the hump now.

Oh, I also have a new song up on my SoundCloud. =]. Its called Black Box, and it is the first one in a while where I have written the solo to. If you fancy it, could you listen and let me know what you think of this song? Especially the solo. =].

Song Six - Black Box. by CrazyDistortion

Well, that's it really.

- Run away, run away. Out of FIN.

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy

Yeah, don't worry. I've just had that Queen title in my head for some reason. Wey.

Anyways, lovely day.

I had my results for CH2, CH4 and PH4 (or, the two chemistry and the physics exams I sat in January). And to be fair, I done crap. Utter crap.

For the course in the Atrium (which is Creative Technologies), I need at least two B's and a C in my overall A level results. After I finished those three module exams, I felt that I was more or less on the road to those grades. Not after I looked at them.

Two E's and a D. The D in Physics.

Man, I felt like an eejit after seeing that. That means that I am now on a D overall for Chemistry, no idea about Physics, maybe slightly better, but not by much. So I am on course for the C I need... all that's left is those B's...

If I work hard at it, Music Tech should yield me a B. It's the best chance for me, I believe. Physics will take a whole lot of shite to work through, especially after the first PH6 exam that I sat last week. Not sure on the grade, but I had sixty percent. Not bad, considering how crap I are usually at them.

Then a week later, I had the results of all the exams I've sat thus far in Sixth Form. I've found out that I am on a borderline C for Physics (the milestone for C is 180... I've got 180... =] ), and six marks away from a C in Chemistry (again, a C needs 180 from the two exams and the practical exam). So yeah, even though it's still looks bleak (well, for me anyways), it's a nicer shade of bleak. Nice.

Also, I may have the results of the practical side of PH6 tomorrow... hope that's a good'un.

Yeah, that's the school stuff's dunne. Yey.

By the ways, I shall start to try to type shite, not shaite. I've had a complaint... Hehe.

Anysupermassiveblackhole, I've realised that I have an odd perspective on life and all that it consumes.

What do I mean? Well, obviously alcohol, life and the modern days... but also...

Women. I shall expand with equal parts hope and dread... =].

I think I'm the only one - at least in school, in my year - who sees a woman and doesn't think I would. I just don't think in that way. Yeah, I'll probably think someone's good looking or whatnot, that don't mean I'd bonk them constantly. And also, though its to the disbelief to some people, I don't think Cheryl Cole's attractive. Sure, she's pretty, but all the same, no. Same to Paramore's Hayley Williams. I just wouldn't. Meh, I know I'm in the minority. In this case, I like being in this minority. Woop.

Don't judge me... =].

In other news. I has Final Fantasy XIII. It's pretty epic, to be fair. I hope this ain't the last Final Fantasy to be on the Xbox 360. I'm only like, a third of the way so far, either that or a quarter. But still, so far, so bleedin' well good. Only problem is, that the Vanille and Serah are supposed to be nineteen (roughly), they look more like fifteen... other than that, it's all good.

I shall leave you now... not before I leave this here...



For some reason, that's been in my head ever since I heard it first... And it has Bruce Willis in it. Well good.

- McFin's.

Freak On A Leash

Well hello there.

I need to think of better intros.

So yeah, I've a-got a stiff key on my keyboard. The '-' key... though I think it's better now.

This week, I have two exams. Both the third exam of the sciences, and yet they call them CH4 and PH4... ironic?

Nah, but let us pretend that it is, to make my post look evermore amusing...

Anyways, Chemistry's the first one. Not really confident with it, though I doubt I'll cry myself to sleep over it. Then Physics should be better, just about. But on the whole, I bloody hope I get at least C's in both of them, and high ones.

Why?

Well, to put it simply, I need the UCAS points. And on that note, I've got three offers now. WOOP.

The first offer was a couple o'days after my interview with the Atrium... and you can guess where I got the offer from. Yep, from the Atrium (I couldn't think of a witty thing for there). It's a conditional offer (well, all three of 'em are), and I have to get 280 points to get into there to study Creative Technologies (Multimedia). To be fair, I'll probably end up having this as my first choice. Yeah, boy.

The second (and third, since I had them on the same day), I only realized on Friday that I had it (thank you YahooMail for giving me a notification...). Both courses - Interactive Digital Media and Multimedia - are asking for 160 points... with at least two D's. So yeah. I haven't actually seen Swansea Metropolitan University, but they are supposed to be one of the best Universities in Wales (and the UK.. possibly) for digital media. But the Interactive Digital Media course might be my second choice.

I have two more courses to come back to me, both of them are Music Technology for the two Universities that I've applied for (y'know, Atrium and Swansea Met).

And I just saw an advert for a show, and one clip on it made me want it to be Monday and for me to be in school now. Fuck, I thought that was over ages ago. Nevermind...

In other news, which is kind of connected with the university section... Wicid.tv will be launched fully this Wednesday. But since I have a Chemistry exam on that day, I'll probably either miss it or go later, after school (because there's a Physics lesson after the exam). The site's up now, I think. Or at least a test one's up. But yeah, the link's there for ya, bruv.

And yeah, I've started to grow a hatred towards sleep now.

Because, since the beginning of this year, I've had either trouble sleeping, or a really fucked up dream. I either wake up feeling really paranoid, or screaming (well, only once that;s happened) or just thinking where the fuck did that come from? Anyone have any ideas on how these can disappear and allow me to have nice dreams? Ta bruv. =].

Er. I shall go now.

- NIF.

Undisclosed Sanity.

These past few days have been weird.

Yeah, didn't see that coming, eh?

Oh, by the way, the Chipmunks OST is basically the original tracks, but edited. Like someone's actually going to spend money on that...

Anyways. First reason of weirdness. Sleep.

For some reason, I keep waking up during the night and feeling scared and paranoid. I don't know why. This has happened roughly three nights (I think) in the past five. I always do the same thing... wake up all panicky, then stare at my wall to see if my writing is moving (yeah, if you don't know, I've got all writing on my wall). The only problem is that my mind makes me think that it is (maybe because my eyes are tired, I don't know...). Then I head to the light and knock the light on, nothing different. I just stare at my walls to see if there's anything new on the walls - nothing (obvliously...). No idea why I've done this. I'm just freaked out by it, and kind of scared of it happening again...

Not only that, I keep having weird dreams. Example, I was in school, and for some reason a girl was just sitting opposite, but as the dream went on and on (all that was happening was that the majority of the school was in the sports hall, just sitting there), her skirt kept getting higher, showing her inner thighs and ultimately, her vagina. No idea why I dreampt of that, dreaming of a girl whose showing me her vagina. No idea what it meant, so I went online to see what it could mean. I could only find if you see your own vagina in a dream (something to do with sexual urges/needs and/or femininity). But since I didn't see mine (well, I don't have one... or do I?...), so yeah, another thing to be confused about.

And yes, for some reason, I think there's some messages your brain gives you when you dream... Happy days, eh?

The good side is, I've had my first University interview today, for Creative Technologies (Multimedia) in the Atrium (I don't understand why they spell it ATRiuM though.... shame). It was a good'un, I think. The interviewer seemed impressed with the web designs I've done, and the course content is up my street.

Yeah...

So yeah, I have three exams, the first starting this week. The resit, CH2. Hope it goes well, don't fancy another Chemistry resit. Then the week after I have my CH4 and PH4. Should at least pass one of them. =).

I have no idea what to say now. Lucky you.

So I shall say my final word.

- McFin.

You Set My Soul Alight.

I've gone from quoting Smashing Pumpkins to quoting Muse in my blog titles. I suppose it's not a bad thing, eh?

Anyways, did ya miss me?






Thought not.


Well, I would've posted sooner, but I either couldn't be arsed, or - most likely - it's because the charger to my laptop's gone kaput. Thus making me use my parents computer for a few days, which is also making me void of a lot of internet time. Shame. Anyroad, I have to wait a good few days for a new charger. It's a sad day for the beating heart of my laptop, as it's only thirty four percent full.

But, on the plus side, I've been reconnected with Safari, and it's spellchecker function... someone remind me to find a good'un for FireFox, there's a good lad/lass.

So yeah. Nothing much happened this week. Though it was my eighteenth birthday on Monday. That's the only mention I'll say on it, as I can't see it as anymore than just another day. I might say more on it in the next post. Lucky you.

Besides that, nothing's really happening in school. I'm just plodding my way through Chemistry and Physics, while I feel like I'm a headless chicken in Music Tech. I've done nothing of worth in Music Tech, other than record the bass part for Adam's song and make up a bass riff that does not match the lyrics of Alone. Shite. I are fucked.

It kind of shows in what the teacher's predicting me... a C or a D. Yey, I'm not going to improve on my D for AS... apparently.

Er, oh yes. Not only that, but there's another INSET day this friday. And I must be the only person in school to appose is. We just had a week off for Jesus' sake... ah well, at least there's a possibility to see my sister in Carmarthen then.

And this, shall be goodbye... or au revoir, or whatever tickles your linguistical pickle...

- Finoshima.

This Is My Disease...

I should begin with a congratulatory... er, congratulations.... if that's possible.

You are reading... my fiftieth blog post.

This pretty much solidifies the fact that I do have less of a life than someone that has the same characteristics as me but less of them.

So, how does it feel?

Well, it's not a good week so far.

Why?

Frankie Boyle, has left Mock The Week.

*engages shocked face*.

Ah well, no more rasist Scottish dude... maybe there'll be a Welshie person now... oh yeah the new series will be in January (I believe), which is sooner than it should... Woop.

Ah well, someone else shall be the possessor of the racist door.

In other news... Music Technology's going (hopefully) well. If only the Fostex (the multitrack recorder that the school has... unfortunately) didn't break with feeble ease. I mean, pressing the on button once, and it breaks? What's up with that? Ah well, pretty well began with all three tracks. Got's myself a vocal line for the poem, though nothing else so far. The ideas I have change with nearly every song I hear. Example, I hear a Rise Against song... and I have an idea, then the next song, say by Muse, and I forget the first idea and get a new one. This has happened frequently ever since the vocals have been thaught out (which are based upon a Rise Against song). Ah well.

Recordin-wise, so far only recorded the drums. Since there's a double lesson tomorrow, I might be able to add either the electric guitar or the bass. Then the Blondie song's halfway through doing. Only problem I can find is the fact that I haven't got the sounds on that song on my laptop... ah I'll find a way.

Chemistry and Physics have recently picked up, for some reason. We had a test in Chemistry this morning, and I found it alright (considering I only have a basic grasp on the work we're going through now). Same with Physics too, apart that we have had not had a test... that I know of...

Er... just watched a scene on Coronation Street (yeah, sad I know)... nad had another 'shit...' moment. Ah well, anyone got an idea how to get rid of these thaughts?

So yeah... that nearly concludes the fiftieth post... roll on the seventy-fifth... hopefully that won't be before Christmas. If it happens, then you may hack into my account, and change the name of this blog to something about kestrils.

Ah well.

Before I go...



Got to love Rise Against.

- Fin... DOT COM.

I'm Not Stupid, I'm Not Smart, It's Like I'm Not Even There At All.

That, is me all over.

To be fair, that song is me all over. The song's 'You're Too Cool' by Gob, by the by. And apparently they're recording a new album soon. Oh yeah, I'm in virtual happiness. Not only the albums from Muse, Paramore and Pearl Jam came out this month, but another Gob album too. FUCKAYE. All that's needed is Rise Against to bring out an 'Unplugged' album and that'll make this year a good'un music wise.

Apart from the Black Eyed Peas song... the one with the words I'm so three thousand and eight, your so two thousand and late... oh na.... oh na.... I feel real sorry for the person who wrote that...

Anyways, how's it going?

Today's been... lets just say... a meh day. A day with two different halfs of the same coin. If that makes sense. And it followed the good, the bad and the ugly setting... but in reverse.

First, the ugly.... and I know you're expecting a photo of me, but the camera broke... so yeah. All I'll say is atoms for this...

Secondly, the bad... dinnertime, I was in a slightly pissed off mood (since the ugly setting happened), so I plodded up to Music Tech, where in the earlier lesson we moved the acoustic drums into the designated room for Music Tech (which is actually used for bass lessons). I just stayed in all dinnertime, and trying to play along with some songs on my iPod. The only things I know on drums are purely because of Guitar Hero.

Needless to say, I was bad. Because I couldn't hear the music properly (and because I misjudged the timings), I was all over the place tempo wise. But I soldiered on (well, it was a way of blocking out the silence in my life....sorry, went all Bill Bailey on your arse there) and managed to do rather feeble covers of some songs. The one I'm happiest about it Re-Education (Through Labor). Fuck yes. Guitar Hero finally helps people. Woo.

Lastly, the good... I will be getting either a new bass or guitar for my eighteenth birthday. Oh yes.

It's not going to be an expensive one, and by that I mean you can have basses that set you back well over three thousand smackers. Y'know the bass I want... it's a Thunderbird IV Goth. I don't know the difference between the normal Thunderbird IV and its Goth counterpart, apart from cost. Ah well, it's only a bass. It's not like people'll hear it, eh?

So yeah, a mixed bag today. Rather dreading tomorrow also. And I misspelled also about three times in that time.

Meh, this shall be the end of tonight's blog.

Maybe the next one'll be an amazing one, filled with twists, turns and scotch eggs.

Well, maybe no twists...

G'bye.

.niF -

Death Of A D Stringed Encore....

Yep, no idea if the title actually makes sense there.

Basically, my guitar (well, my sister's guitar) has lost a string, a D string. Sob sob. And it's an Encore guitar...

So yeah...

Uneventful blog so far.

One question though... what's the weirdest music video you've seen?

For me... it's the new Rammstein video for their new song... 'Pussy'.

I would place a link here to the video... but if your parants or younger siblings aren't around... watch it. It's a funky tune. Just ignore the bandmembers banging some women... such is the joys of extreme music videos...

So yeah, it's one in the afternoon. How swell is that?

Not much else to say really. Muse's new music video's been released. It's not bad. Haven't heard all of it, just half. But I've liked what I've heard so far. Looks like Muse is doing it again. Woop. Paramore's new album'll be out next week (I think the twenty-nineth?), so not long now... hopefully the album'll follow Ignorance's vibe.

In other news. I have found my charger for my shaver. WOOP. Now all I have to do it charge the fecker.

Oh yeah, this past week was, what I shall call as the 'when's the next one?' week. Why? Z, your turn... sorry, shite joke there. Anycucumber, it's because on Thursday night, there was a party for the sixth form, and I stayed home, watching Mock The Week. Brilliant. Next day, I was the first to arrive at school. But as the trickles of drunkards arrived, the birth of the upmost dread came to be. Oh last night was SOOOOOO fun! I like drunk a WHOLE BOTTLE of J2O! I was totally gazeeboed!. Well, not like that. That's a major exaguration. But the idea applies.

But yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thaught it would've been, but then again the Chemistry class went to Cardiff Uni for some Chemistry learnage, so it wasn't as bad as other times. But that question always arrived. 'When's the next one? I wanna get ratarsed again'. Then the whole 'there should be one a month' suggestion appeared. Meh, not really going to comment on that. But yeah, since this year is the year of the eighteenth birthday, there's going to be a shitload of times when 'when's the next one?' will be repeated. Ah well...

So yeah, looks like the nex one might be roughly around the last week of October. I just hope that the week after's a half-term... I can only hope, right?

Back to something that will make you drone even further. GUITAR HERO. =).

Nah, only messing with you. I won't say anything about it. Apart from this, the next one should have Slipknot's Psychosocial as a track. That would be good, well I think that anyways. Do you?

Oh, look at me, asking my readers questions... how original am I?

This post seems short to me... so I'll make it that little bit longer with a video. And no it's not the Rammstein one. Also am I spelling Rammstein right?...

IT'S MOCK THE WEEK, BABY!!



=).

So yeah, goobdye!

- Finissimo.

But Can You Fake It, For Just One More Show?...

I shall begin with a bang...


BANG.






And yet, more bangage is needed...




So, watch this. I dunno why, I like it.




... Oh, how I wish I could do that...

Anyways, hello to y'all. Yeah, I hate that word too. 'Y'all'. Nearly as much as LOL, stoked and... the most dreaded of all... tummy. Well, any word that ends with '-ummy'. Tummy, mummy, dummy, and so on and so forth, if there's more. I mean, I guess it's okay to say them words to a toddler, but I'd feel a bit nervous if a doctor told me that I had to have loads of stitches in my tummy, and he had consent from my mummy. Man, they're like the worst type of words in the English language. Use stumoch (however you spell it), mother, and whatever the english version of pacifier is. That's all I'm sayin'.

On academic news. I've gone from borderline shit to extremely shit in Chemistry now, and nerly doing the same in Physics. In Music Tech, I've made alright progress on the Blondie song, I'm on the chorus part of all instruments so it's all good so far. Haven't done anything really for the recording task. For the compsition task, I've got a riff (well, chord progression), which sounds rather emo unfortunately. But I'm hoping to punk it up (or at least rock it up, so it matches the acoustic intro) for the choruses (or chorusi) and the other two verses. So yeah, the only course I actually feel like I'm going anywhere in is Music Tech, and I actually rather have the other two being better...

Seriously though, my mathmatical skills have gone down the toilet, but halfway down it had reacted with the water, evaporated, and managed to enter my body through my pitiful need of oxygen to live until the next time I have to go to the toilet. I don't know why. Maybe I'm subconsiously thinking something that's making me become shite, or maybe it's quite simply, that I'm shite at counting. Which is not something I want to admit. Maths has been the only subject that I've been consistantly good at since I was a baby. So, why's it turning on me? Or, should that be why is my brain turning into a mouldy pile of unwanted socks? Yeah, I'll go with that.

Maybe... maybe I'm secretly telling myself, without actually knowing I'm saying it to myself, is 'why bother?'. What's the point in doing these calculations because in a matter of mere dacades, you'd be like the big fish and little fish... in a cardboard box. And I know I've talked about it in a post (if I remember, it was more of an essay...), but for nearly two months now, I've haven't had the subject out of my head. I had like, at least four different moments of mini panic in school.

The most recent one was in Physics. We had Brooks (which, I think, is the best Physics teacher there, but to be fair, it was either her of Humphreys... no competition really). She was on about what monoatomic things where (well, giving a quick explaination on them anyways). And I just thaught, what if we all were electrons, speeding our way around the neuclius in every direction possible? What if we occupy a miniscule section of some alien material? ect... Then I just looked up, and I was slightly breathless. I looked at my hand, but then moved it from my sight, 'cause (somehow) it resembled my mortality'. Random thaughts came to my head. Why are we here? What's the real purpose of life? What songs am I going to play on Guitar Hero when I get home? Nah, I lie about the last one. But still, I'm really scared by this morbid fascination (well, not fascination... but that's the only word I can think of) of death and the afterlife.


Just now, they said on the news that some cook died at the age of sixty-odd. I thaught shit, I'm over a quarter of that age... Michael Jackson wasn't in his sixties when he died/got killed/faked his death (options are depending what you believe, oh and correct me if I'm wrong on his age). And just now, they've got news on the murderer of an eighty-odd year old woman. Murder. How heartless must you be to take another person's life for no reason whatsoever? Even when they've done something major, most of the time it doesn't mean people have the right to wipe their prescence of the face of the earth. But meh, how am I going to stop mass geniside... I dunno. At first I thaught geniside was the murder of genitalia...

So, if you're in school, and you see me looking like I'm thinking about something, there's a good chance I'm thinking about life (or another thing, which I thaught would've gone once this school year started.... more fool me...). Actually that's made me think about something. If you read this, tell me what you think? Either in a comment to this post, or to me in person/MSN/e-mail/smoke signals. I want to know if I'm the only seventeen year old to think this. Most likely I am. But hey, I'd like to see what other people think about what life is, if you think about it often, y'know...

Oh, by the way, I know most people joke about me being emo, with the whole cutting my wrists routine... I just like to point out that I'll never kill myself. And I've never said anything truet than that.

I'm off now... but before I go... a question...

Boris Johnson, true or false?

- Fin.

'Hope This Ain't Classed As Emo'.

I had an odd day yesterday.

It involved a loving twenty-six (ish) hours of awakeness, which started at roughly four, five on the day of the AS level. I managed to beat VeJay Singh in match-play for the first time (his digital skill has a lot to be desired... aspecially because I play on a rather easy dificulty, I suck at many games...). In to time whatsoever it was time for me to hop into my sister's car to go to get the letters. But before that...

Six in the morning. I loaded up the house computer. Waited effing ages for AOL to load up (word of advice... if in doubt, DO NOT FUCKING GET AOL. Man...). Once I did, I went on the Edexcel website. There was (and, I guess, still is) no login section. I spent like, twenty minutes, looking for the poxy thing. Then a brainwave hit me, like, well, a brainwave coming to me. All I had to do was go on the registration page, then change the URL from studentregistration to login. Man, if that's the only thing that I can give to the world... it's that. God help the world.... Well, anyways. I logged in (after having a bugger of a time with the password) and then a lovely screen came up. It had my marks for both coursework and exam paper results for Music Technology.

And, I believe it's a triumph, of sorts.Well, considering that the teacher had no idea what we were supposed to do. But hey. I managed to get a D overall for it. Though, I had a bloody C for my exam, if I had three more marks, I would've had a C overall. A BLOODY C. Ah well, there's next year...

Reached school at nine, with my sister and Ricky in the car. He was stating the obvlious, as always - well, he points at a car, and says 'car' - and then I left them to walk around while I went to get my science results...

Already, people were going YEY or NEY on what they got. The deputy headmaster gave me my results, and low and behold, my prediction of no E's was true...

I had a D overall in Chemistry (despite a massive cock-up involving an unclassified in Chemistry 2). And a C overall in Physics. Once again, the best subject is Physics. If you didn't know, in GCSE year, I only had one A, and that was in Physics. And, saying 'I only had one A', I don't meant that in a 'oh, look at me with my A in Physics', it compares with the majority being C's. So yeah, C-D-D overall, not bad... but by God, it could've been a lot better...

Nothing really happened during the day after that. Managed to infultrate some military bases on Prototype, and if I haven't said it before, get it. =). Anyroad, just vegged out really after that, though I've recently had an urge to get Ashes Cricket 2009 (because I'm too shit to play it in real life). Then, once the night dawned (which, I believe, doesn't make sense), and I went to bed, I couldn't sleep. Why's that? No clue.

But, for some reason, I started to sing a song, in bed. Why? Once more, I have no clue. Though, I never heard the lyrics before... so, I kinda made up a chorus-esque part of a song (which, when I was singing it in my head, sounded rather like Rise Against). And on the same piece of paper, I wrote 'Hope this ain't classed as emo'. and 'Yeah, don't ask' on the top. I would put it here, but since I know it's ten times worse than shaite and I expect everyone will shun me for three eternities and a decade. Then, I couldn't sleep, or I did, but I woke up oddly and I 'looked confused' (see, eye witness there). So I stayed up all night, watching things made by Gordon Ramsey. Lovely.

Nothing else to add... apart from this...



This is a single (not the music video) of Alive by Pearl Jam. One word, my friend, bloody brilliant. Yeah, it's that good, it breaks the one word rule. The first time I heared this, I thought this was one of their newer songs, and I found it weird when I realised this was one of the songs an Ten, an album that is considered one of the best Grunge albums, even beating Nirvana's Nevermind - I personally like Ten more than Nevermind, no idea why... - and yeah, wait until the solo at the end. It scared the shit out of me when I found out he (no idea who done the solo, sorry) done this in one take. No breaks. Bloody hell... But anyways, Eddie Vedder (lead vocals/lyricist) is amazing... if only I could write something that's a tenth of the goodness this song is...

Ah well.

- Fin, but not Finito.

How To Make The Most Dangerous Water Bomb... Innit.

You get some Frankium, you get it into an aeroplane, you fiy it to an ocean and drop the Frankium into the water. Then all you have to do is hope your aeroplane has some nitrous...

Yes, I have a Chemistry exam tomorrow. Why is it that I don't feel like I haven't got an exam?
Why is it that all I feel is that it's just another Chemistry work that I've got to work to, but without the help of any teachers? It's been the same in every exam I've done. From the exams in year three, all the way through to the one's in Sixth form. All I see them as is a piece of paper (which some of them are liars. Blank page, my arse), that I have to work through for a set amount of time. There's only been two exams that I've been nervous about, and both of them were for Welsh Oral in GCSE, and that's because (a) I talk utter bullshit, (b) I feel stupid talking about a subject that I have no feelings towards (that's for the language oral exam) and (c), nobody would really be interested in my opinions so why bother say them anyways? Anyroad, yep, in twelve hours, I'll be sat in the Uned in school, with everyone else going ''SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT CEMEG SHIT CEMEG'', and I'll be just sitting there, wondering why the fudge everyone's so nervous. And then, if I found the paper not bad, but then everyone else thinks it was the hardest thing since Viagra was injected into Titanium, it makes me doubt myself, and makes me feel shaite 'cause I feel big-headed. And there's this whole 'finishing way before the exam's finished' thing I have. Apart from the three exams I've done already (Music Technology and two Physics exams), I've finished every other exam I've done, way before the teacher says ''you have fifteen minutes remaining''. By then I've aready answered every question, read over them three times and counted every brick that faces me straight on. Ah well, I suppose it's better shitting myself before each exam. I do all that for the results day. Happy days.

Well, I'll be off, like the lights in my room. Ehehe.

Au revoir, dudes.