Dandelion Mind

In just a few weeks, I will be twenty-one.

If you want to be absolute, I'm already twenty-one. You know, considering I was living in my mother's womb for nine months. Good thing she never asked for rent. But for the case of reason, logic and sanity, I'm twenty-one in a few weeks.

For some reason, the same thought just keeps coming back to me...

I don't like where I am in life.

Now, that has nothing to do with my work, my friends or anything like that. I really do like working where I am, and I have a good time with the people I see on an irregular basis. It's just, looking at where other people are in their lives, it makes me wonder if I am in the right place in mine.

When I say that, I don't mean that I look at the people who I went to school with and see how varied their lives are. I mean, some are already married, some have kids, some are working in the industry they want, and some have wealthy parents who can buy everything for them to have an easy life.

And then there's me, still confused as to where I'm heading in life.

As I said, it's nothing to do with the people I know or what I do. It's all about me.

And that, my improbable reader, is something that will make me sound like some attention seeking whore who wants nothing but attention. Didn't need the second attention there, yeah? Seems I need a lesson in grammar (orly?).

I look at myself and think, what can I do? And yes, I mean both skill-wise and personally. If that makes sense.

And I don't like thinking like this.

You know, where the only thing you can think of is your own worth in the world. Whatever I can do, there are at least three people I know who can do it better, faster and the like.

I know, comparing yourself to people is looked down upon. The whole it doesn't matter what or who you are, as long as you're you or whatever bullshit that gets spilled out to people. It's obvious that it does matter. Would you employ someone who has no skills in the required field just because their honest with themselves? I highly doubt it.

For the most part, I know that everything is relative. Like my ability with the Welsh language. To those who have no clue of how to speak Welsh, I am a font of knowledge, but to those who speak the language fully week in week out, I must look like a right amateur.

As I said before, it's not just about skills. It's about me as a person also.

I have probably used up a quarter of my life, and what have I done? Nothing but stay in my room and try to get better at the things I like to do. Some might say that's a good thing, meaning that I'd develop into something that can only mean good things for me career-wise. And in a way, they're right. I mean, if it wasn't for the abundance of my time just spent lying in bed, watching After Effects tutorials, I'd probably be slightly worse than I am now.

Shit, this is gone into skillsets again. My apologies.

Anyway, those twenty-one years have mainly been spent in my bedroom, the smallest room in my house. Everyone else my age has probably spent most of their lives outside, doing what young people do these days, whatever that is.

At first, it was because none of my friends lived close to me to meet up. Then, when I found someone who actually did, I didn't know how to start socialising with them. That story started roughly thirteen years ago, and has repeated itself from the start about two to three years ago.

Anyway, as the social began to be more social, experimenting with drink and money, I did what was natural to me; stay home and waste my time power-leveling characters in games or thinking about pointless subject matters like my own mortality.

And that has made me into the person I am right now; someone who I don't really like.

I mean, considering my profession of choice, I will need to talk to people and possibly maybe teach people. A good example is of today, there was a work experience girl who had no idea how to use Photoshop, so I was asked to teach her something basic.

I did so, but I could feel my voice shaking. It was like I had developed a stutter in the two minutes between being told I had to do it and actually needing to do it. She did it, but it didn't help that I seemed like I had no idea what I was on about.

I mean, if someone was teaching you something and they were bloody nervous doing so, would you really trust what they were saying?

Fuck.

In other news, the closer November comes, the more apparent my thoughts of death appear. I don't know why this happens, but for the last few years or so, the closer my birthday comes the more I think of death. And I don't like it.

And before anyone says otherwise; I am trying to change. I am trying to be someone who isn't just a rat in a self-built cage. But every attempt that I do, it seems to backfire on me.

C'est la vie, apparently.

- Satan, laughing, spreads his wings. Oh lord, FIN.

A Pox On You

There has been a few things going on since the last post.

For reasons only known to me, my laptop and the hideous graphics that the BBC decided to use for the T In The Park festival (seriously, if that was the best idea, you need to sack that person), I shall do it in the good ol' format - the good, the bad and the ugly.

First off, the good. It is rather a lovely good piece of news. To cut a long story short, I've passed my first year of university. Those many few already know my surprise to this knowledge. Allow me to expand.

For some reason, Glamorgan University doesn't tell you how you've done for the year, just for the assignments and the mean marks for each module. For my university (and I guess every other one, though correct me if I'm wrong), I'd need over seventy for a first, between sixty and sixty nine for a two-one, fifty and fifty nine for a two-two and then anything higher than forty for a third (the basic pass). Anything lower than forty would mean I'd failed the assignment/module.

Luckily, that was not the case. Overall in each modules, I had one third (Video Production), one two-two (Radio Production), three two-ones (Media Technology For Applications 1, Internet Technologies 1 and Computer Graphics Technologies for Integration 1) and, the one that shocked me the biggest, one first (Electronics for Music and Media). As you can see, the subjects that I like the most are the ones I was best at. Well, that and the two modules where I had group assignments were my worst. Grr.

Granted, these are probably not the final grades for the year. Maybe they'd chance slightly, but probably not enough to change the grade (though some of the marks are close to the threshold). Anyway, I was intrigued to see what was the overall mark I was given for the year. So, I did what naturally came to me at first but then deteriorated as the years eroded its abilities and used my maths skills. And what was the value I got? I shall tell you, it was 59.5.

That's a two-two. I should call it a 2:2, which I shall now. But yeah, that's half a mark away from a 2:2. Get in.

I was further intrigued, and wanted more accuracy in my results. I then added up the marks from all assignments individually and divided by the amount of assignments (which, for the few of the few who are interested, is twenty). And what did I get for that? 59.55.

Ooh, only 0.45 marks away from a 2:1. Yes, a low 2:1, but one all the same.

I'm not miffed that I didn't get that fraction of a mark to get a 2:1, I'm just pleased that I've passed my first year and rather decently. Maybe if I was bossy enough and told my groups in the Production modules to wise up and finish the work, I would've had the 2:1, but you know me, I'm no good at that.

Next up, the bad. Not going to dwell on this too much, though. The people at Wicid decided to give the members of the editorial team a charter to fill out. In short, it stated that if we signed it, we'd agree to not write anything that could be considered pornographic, sexually explicit, abusive and political. Please say you looked bizarrely at this idiotic blog as you read that last sentence.

Anyway, some of us disagreed and are now trying to make a new charter that will mean that the council would not block us out all the freaking time. Oh, and to let us write about whatever we want, be that on whatever subject matter the user wants.

To finish off, the ugly. It's me. I have chicken pox. At this time, I've been plagued with it for about six days now. The first day (Saturday, I think it was) was just me being bed bound. I couldn't get up at all. For all of that day, I think I was only conscious for about eight or nine hours. Not good.

The next day was when the spots came out. The doctor told us just to take Beechams and that will be fine. That was wrong. On Wednesday morning, going on for about three I'd say, I was heading back to the hospital. I had an epic fever, though by the time I got to the hospital to see le docteur, that had gone. Throughout, he told us tales of when he had chicken pox at the grand old age of thirty one, and he knows how bad it can get in adults (me, adults... ha). For that, he instantly gave me antivirals for the virus, and some stuff for the fever. Hopefully I should get better in a week or two. Enough of that.

I'm off now. For the moment, ya?

- I pity the FIN.

Spend It Like The Last Day Of Spring

Oh, hello there sport.

Before I begin, may I ask a question? Do you fancy watching this video for me? Thanks.



Should really introduce it and whatnot. Ah well.

This is the second video written by Sam Patterson for The first one was scripted, but more like a monologue. This new one's more dialogue-driven and full of characters, half dead and alive alike.

Let me know what you think of all aspects of the video. T'was a bugger to edit due to my lack of ability with editing. Grr.

In related news, I need a camcorder. I've decided that I'll need one for a few things. One being for my course. this year, I'll be doing some green screening and a few more videos for projects, so I guess it'll be easier to get a decent one and use that all the time than to book one out all the time and worry about getting it back before the due times.

The second is Clic related. We used the camcorders from Promo Cymru (the guys who run Clic and theSprout), so getting my own one will make it easier in the sense that I won't need to go to to their offices to loan a camera out from them. That, and I could do some videoing for Wicid. Y'know, stuff.

Adding to that, why couldn't they just put me on a contract. Not a paid one, but one saying that I promise not to share any login details with anyone or that I wouldn't bring Wicid's reputation down. But that would be too logical for RCT, wouldn't it? Hmm.


That said, my username on the Clic network still has "Sub-Editor" in the name. Maybe they're too lazy to change that, hmm?

I should go, before I start ranting...

Though, before I go, Glastonbury's on. There's a band called Two Door Cinema Club on. I'm no judge of music, but by fuck they are crap...

Oh, and the blog title. I have no idea why I called it that. Ah well.

- FIN, FIN, FIN. Another one bites the dust.

Encore

I have a weird way of beginning blog posts.

Usually, it's me spending about half an hour thinking of an interesting title, and as you can see, I failed. Apologies.

First things first. And for the first time in a while, I'm going to talk about football. But, unlike many of my fellow penis-wielding humanoids, I am about to discuss one thing - their kits.

No, not dicks. Kits.

Whoa, that was a fail joke.

Anyway, for those who are still reading this after the word "Encore", Liverpool have released their design for their third kit. There have been a few die hard fans of Liverpool have been complaining about it.

Why?

Well, take a look...

Liverpool's third kit for the 11/12 season.

Oh, by all that's Scouse, there's blue in the shirt.

And I shall begin my opinions on the kit after I have quoted one man, who has been a rock to those who has seen him...

Oh nooooooo.

And yes, that is supposed to be a Family Guy quote. How modern of me

What is the reasonings behind the Reds defiance of the new kit? It has blue on it, and blue is the colour of their rivals, Everton.

Can I just start off by saying, you don't have to be a genius to see that this is cyan, and Everton is mainly a darkish blue colour. If anything, this looks more like a Manchester City kit than something that looks Everton-like. What fools.

Also, I read a comment where someone said "bin the shirt and the designer". My instant thought was, why?. Personally, I think that the shirt is rather nice design wise. Compared to other third kits, it trumps the Chelsea third kit, with its green-with-a-blue-stripe combo. Talk about feeling sick in your mouth...

Anyway, I needed to vent that out. I find it idiotic of people complaining of colours of their choice of football teams their support. Does it really matter in the end? Granted, I'd find it odd if Chelsea began to wear red as their away kit, but it would be so much better than the travesty of a design they have for the upcoming season.

Look at me, pretending that I know about design. And football. Oh, how I have many faces in this world.

In other news, I've began playing Final Fantasy XIII again. It's one of the only games I've played where I've liked it more the more I play it. The others were Final Fantasy X, Devil May Cry 3 and the third Ratchet and Clank game. They are epic games, to be fair.

And that, my possible yet improbable reader, is the end for this post. For the moment, boyo.

- I'm nobody's FIN.