About an hour ago, I saw something rather innocent. Nothing major, just something that is normal.
But for some fucking reason, my mind's decided to make it into the massive bullshit arena. I've seen something that is usually normal, but I've connected so many things to it, I've made it into something that's made me feel paranoid and, for some fucking reason, like I've been punched in the stomach.
And to top it off, I just had a letter from Student Finance, saying I'm only eligible for the bare minimum.
Fuck.
Not only that, the way they've spaced the payments out means that I wouldn't have virtually any money to use if need be. For this term, I'm only getting over £400. I'm lucky in the fact that I only pay something like £350 for housing and that, but by fuck I'd just have £50 or so for the entire term.
God damn and custard creams, it's lucky that I don't have a social life and horde all the money that I've ever had until I blow my budget in one purchase. Fuck, I'm a dickhead.
So, for the past hour or so, I've done no work. All I've done is stare at my keyboard or aimlessly looking between social networking sites, thinking about pointless shit, making matters in my head worse.
And you know what the worst thing is? I really wish I could stop. I wish that I could restrict the thoughts that go through my mind. I keep telling myself stop it, you're being a twat, but alas poor reader, my brain decides the best call of action is to persist, which makes my day even worse.
I used my old camera for this, my Canon 600D. I have a 5D Mk III now too, but didn't use that because I didn't feel I was used to it yet to use it, if that makes sense.
So yeah, that's a thing.
There's nothing else to add.
So, I shall end it here. I should be going back to work. Hopefully I will and not think about shit.
- Fuck it all, fuck this FIN.
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