"One Baby To Another Says, I'm Lucky To Have Met You"

I shall be frank, well to be fair it's better than being Gareth... damn, I despise the name...

To be fair like, I'm starting to take a real disliking to modern life... It's like, nearly everything these days is about looks, or things that's happening this minute or what happened three days ago, because it was so hilarious/shocking/epic. To be fair, who really cares in the long run? Just because you went out on a night on the tiles, doesn't mean it's good to brag at the fact that 'I had three Carlings and was only slightly hammered'. Yeah, like drinking pissloads of toxins makes you a God amongst men all of a sudden. I can't really imagine, milleniums ago, that stone age dudes were bragging about how many times they had sex with their partners, or how many partners they've had. Big fucking deal.

'Ah, your just jealous because you're still a virgin'....

Yeah, and? Sorry, that was a thing someone said to me on the bus. She was in year seven. That's like twelve, thirteen years old. And she's trying to make me feel bad because I haven't bowed down to peer pressure and bonk the nearest harlet who'd give blowjobs for a packet of Wotsits. I know, I'm going to sound pathetic, but I want my first time to be special, well... with someone I actually care about, be that this year or in ten, twenty years time. How would you feel if you popped your cork for the first time, realising three days before that, the person your cork was popped by had some sort of desiese that made you infertile, or worse could kill you, and you only realised that after you had a test before you tried to start a family with someone you love? Yeah, that's a nice thing to say to your future partner. "Sorry love, no kids for us. I let my shaft rule my head and now I have an uncurable desiese that will eventually kill me in these next few months. On the plus side, you'll get most of my life earnings because you have nice tits"... and no, I'm not like that. I don't mind saying it, or being like that. I hate it though when people try to put me down because of it... or because it's for religious reasons...

If you are religious, please understand that this next paragragh or two is only MY OPINION. If you go all 'BLAH BLAH BLAH YOUR WRONG INNEH BECAUSE GOD IS REAL BECAUSE WE WOULDN'T BE HERE IF HE WEREN'T', you just prove how blinkered your vision is. Because there is more prove to it, I believe that the big bang theory happened, though I wonder what made it. Was it some clouds of gas that existed there before the big bang randomly exploded? Did God (or whoever you believe in) set everything ready, and just pressed a 'generate' button on his version of Windows (or Mac, depending on your outlook on life)? Or did some mythical creature randomly light a fart and aimed it at a blank canvas? See, nobody really knows, innit? And talking about God and that, and I admit I will sound like a pathetic child for this, I don't believe in the same God that Christians, or any religion, does. That said, I do actually believe that something is up there. Yes, I may call him/her God, but he is (again with the patheticness) my God. He's (I'll call God a male for the duration now, less typing, though I believe God can be either male or female) not this ideal being that has not sinned, lived or died. He's this real person, not really having a face that I've seen before (let me guess what your thinking "Gareth's a nut, I knew it", I'm not... much of one anyways), that's actually been on earth, actually seen the same views that I can/will see, even inhaled the same air as I will. Someone who actually has made many more mistakes than you and I will ever do. A human that's done all of this, yet with none of this 'saviour' stuff. And someone who doesn't need to be worshipped endless times a year. You might think now, "That's a bit lazy, Ga", well no it's not. Well, I don't believe so. Just because that if I worshipped God (I'm on about all types now) in a different way than what is expected, then I will be shunned for all eternity and a half. Maybe this is my way of worshipping, maybe actually being alive is worship in itself.

And, like many people in the world, I have majorly contradicted myself, and, unlike many people, I shall admit that with all the strenght that I have (though that's not much, so text'll have to do). Because I accept all the stuff scientists said. I admit that the universe is ever expanding, that the mere fact of us being alive is a lottery that we won. Fuck, I'm bloody taking Chemistry and Physics, for crying out loud! Also, if someone comes up to me, talking about religion, and talking about why they believe in their religion, I will happily listen. But the moment you try to force your beliefs onto me, or try to convert me into your way of thinking, then I instantly shut down all emotion and basically ignore you, not taking anything in. I'm more than happy to understand other cultures more, and that has no word of a lie in that last comment.

That's the religion bullshit done with for now, jsut got a couple of things I feel like I've got to say....

First thing is, basically it about food, and the reasons why I don't eat the 'average amount of food for my age'. Basically, I just see it as a resourse. Food is some items that must be comsumed to gain energy, nutrience and any other helpful stuff. Though I don't see the point in eating food for the sake of it. Before, when I was talking to my mother, she said "you're just like my grandfather". Like me with a pastie a day, he used to have the same meal for years on in. "I asked him why, he replied 'I don't live to eat, I eat to live'", or something along those lines. And that's exactly it. I must eat to stay alive. If we didn't have to eat to live, I wouldn't eat. Or eat as little as possible. Again, this might sound pathetic to you. To be fair, if it does, I'm not bothered. It's my way of thinking, at least we have that these days, innit?

Also, I want to apologise. Apologise to basically everyone. I know I can be a prick at times (at times? And the rest...), and I can honestly say that I don't mean to. I guess I'm slightly illiterate in the social scene (I couldn't think of a word other than illiterate there). Also, the fact that, y'know, just go quiet for no reason whatsoever. It pisses me off to. Lastly, I'm sorry for the fact that I may say sorry over and over. I do feel that I have to constantly apollogise for everything I do/say/think/feel. That's it for the apologies things.

That pretty much covers a lot of things that's built up in me for a long time, apart from one major thing. Though I doubt that'll never come to life online, only by word to someone I feel I can trust them. Only thing really to say about it the title. It's the first line to a Nivarna song, called 'Drain You'. It's a brilliant song from a band that achieved so much, even after they disbanded.

Yep, that's it now. I jsut realised the paragraph that I was apologising in reads like a suicide note. Shit. There is no way I am going to commit suicide. Trust me.

That's all folks.

C'ya.