"I'm Playing With My Nipples..."

So.... it's been a while...

Can't remember (or be arsed to look at) the last post I, well... posted...

It's mid February (I always have trouble spelling that word...). And after the snow of last week, that stopped me from getting to school (stupidly, in my opinion), it's bloody half term. HALF BLOOMING TERM. And no, it's not so good I said it twice. It's like, wasting five days, when we should be studying for A-levels (well, on that week I was supposed to be on a skills course), Grrr. Ah well... still gots me EMA... =).

I suppose another good thing is that they cancelled the Eisteddfod this year in Rhydfelen, because of the snow stopping school. I'm rather glad that we managed to avoid making utter pillocks of ourselves (or should I say myself...) in front of the whole school. But then I think, ''balls, I've missed the chance of making an utter prick of myself...'' Ah well, there's always next year.

Well, the year's been alright (I suppose) so far. Nawt major (unless you consider me breaking the high-E string on my guitar as the biggest sin since sliced bread became an innuendo) happened so far. Bass's going well (much better than I thought). I can do Sweet Child O' Mine (woo), and the intro to Impulse (y'know, the one off GH3). And I'm getting better at using my fingers... take that what you will.... =). You know what I mean! Guitar's not that bad either. No blazing solos though, but that's not what I started guitar for. Playing the rhythm for 'Pretend We're Dead' is good enough for me. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah, got myself a laptop. Well, it's more like a 'blanket-top', as I'm in bed. But yeah. I'm officially mobile... in a way.

Work experience went well too. I've also wrote two pieces for thSprout.co.uk, though it's a website about events and news in Cardiff and I am a resident in RCT. But meh, it's practice for the RCT site I'd be helping out with. Have no idea when though. Oh yeah, and I've got Rock Band 2 now. Their version of 'Go Your Own Way' is shaite compared to GH:WT's. The outro solo is slightly on the amazing side, in my opinion. Yey, I have an opinion. And the outro is better on 'Livin' On A Prayer' on GH:WT. It's because it sounds like it should be that. Yeah... I know I'm odd.

Right, I'll be off. I have some tea I must consume before ManU foul another ram...

As they say on QI... "I will come in any trousers I like"....

Ah, that's nice....

So, The Burning Question....

Are you considered ambidextrous if you only have one hand?

I don't know. You can tell I've got a vivid way to get people to read my blogs. Considering I haven't done a blog for ages (if you don't consider the ones on Bebo, that's not a hint for you to read them, they're shaite).

Anyroad.

It's official.

At least well over half of America ACTUALLY has a brain.

Obama'll be the next president. It's all good. Now all we have to do is endure like a month more of Bush then we can make up crude jokes like 'finally America got rid of their Bush' or something like that. Yeah, I know. I'm crap at jokes.

But like, comparing Bush with Obama, it's like how the heck did Bush get in? Was it because some people sniggered at Bush's name (Yeah, George is a funny name). Or was it because he looks like the Superbowl trophy (bearing in mind I've never seen it, I've only seen computerized American Football)? Either way, he's going and we've finally got someone that we are not ashamed to take aliens to.

That aside, after choosing five subjects to study in A Level. I dropped one. (Shock horror).

Yep, Media Studies has died in my life. It was on the same interest level as the banks are these days (see? I watch the news. Bet your jealous now).

''And see how the camera zooms into her eyes? That shows the emotion that is shown on the actress's...'

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Sorry, That button got stuck then.

Anyroad, Still getting through Arth, Chemistry, Physics and Music Tech. 'Tis good. Apart from the fact Sarah keeps saying I suck at Chemistry........ damn her.....

And you can really tell I'm trying my hardest to think of something to write here so I can avoid doing art, right? Hehe.

Well, I suppose I may leave you to go on your merry way.

Au revoir, mon amis.

Dai Gi Bach.

''And now, a poem about men...''

Anticipation rained down on the audience of friends, family, the neighbors cat and a teddy called Felix. They, apart from the cat and the teddy, sat on the edge of their seats.

''BASTARDS!! BLOODY BASTARDS!!...''

Who knew she was not okay about her partner, going off with a transvestite?

Lavender, who was called 'Lavvey' by many a bully, was not the type of girl who bellowed 'bastard' every single minute of the day. Nearly seventeen, who knew her older boyfriend would ditch her in the toilet? As she ended her poem with a large scream, in which the word was a cockney slang for 'James Blunt', she ran out of the room, went upstairs and listened to the symphony of metal. This was also called Metalica by many.

''WHY DID HE BREAK MY HEART?!?! WHY!!!!??'', a scream shattered the deathly silence left by her in the front room.

'Well, it's a right shock to me, this is. Who'd've thought Lavvey had so much rage in her body?'' the grandmother thought out loud. ''I mean, it's not a type of thing not to be angry about, isn't it? I mean, if Charles here fancied the women with an extra bulge in their trousers, I'd be pretty pissed off too!!''

''Mother!''

''I'm only saying, love! Only saying! Well, Jesus Jane! You really take after my father, aye. He always talked posh like you. But me? Mother's girl, I am. Well, was. Dead now, isn't she? If only that ambulance didn't have to come out to the neighbors', to get that bugger Winston to the ol' folks home...''

''Mother! Can't you see dear Lavender is heartbroken? And all you can do is make light conversation?'' It was true, Jane was only like her mother in name alone. Though, it does get confusing when there are two people named Jane in the house.

''What do you expect me to do? Go out there, find Tim, and kick him in shitless?'' she stared at her daughter, then said, majestically ''I, am a retired woman. I deserve to be treated with respect. And that includes my opinions, right love?''

''Oh, mother!!''

''Don't you 'oh, mother' me!''

''Well'', Jane was improvising, she finally lost control of any sane conversation. ''I know! Michael! Do your speech your going to do about recycling batteries! You need the practice!'' The crowd, although not optimistic about hearing about the possibilities of batteries, preferred that to three hours of watching Gran's old videos in the butchers.

''Well, if I must...''. Michael walked to the front of the audience. He was the appendix of the family. He's there, but nobody really knows why. ''Ahem, ladies and gentlemen... and, Felix...''

Jane stumbled out of the room, rested her weary body on the chair lift, thinking on how her lovely, quirky daughter could turn out so posh.

''Did you know batteries are the servants of the technological world? They only do two things in life - they either live. OR THEY DIE...'' If anyone needed any proof on why Michael had an overactive imagination, this was it.

Jane, after thinking of what a weirdo Michael is, walked into poor Lavender's room, sat right beside the crying girl to comfort her.

''Hey, Lav. Don't cry, love. It's not that bad, this. You could've done a whole lot better than that, that Tim bloke!!''

''He said he loved me...' muttered Lavender into a shirt Tim had left one day after sleeping over there.

''Well, you can't trust men, can you? Can't trust anyone whose hair and eyebrows didn't match. You never caught a glimpse of his pubes, did you? I bet they didn't match either, that's what you get when you give your heart to a man named Tim''.

''I gave him my flower! He took my flower and shattered it to pieces!!''

''Is that what they call it these days...''

Lavender, sitting up on her bed, rested her head on her pillow as she looked, aimlessly through the window.

''Look, Lavvey. Remember the first time you went out with this Tim? I mentioned about all this shagging process, didn't I?''

Lavender chuckled. ''Mention it? I bet you made diagrams and all!''

''Well, I couldn't bring them over, couldn't I? You know what your mam's like. She thinks bondage is a way to make sure your tiles don't fall off the wall. But, let me tell you about Dai. Oh, yes. I called him Dai Gi Bach, y'know. Because his bollocks looked like two paw prints.'' Lavender's frown turned upside down, and gave a little giggle. ''Don't you laugh! Best buggering I ever had, from Dai Gi Bach! Pity he died. Would've liked to tug him off one more time before Death came, like...''

''GRAN!! How old are you??''

''Just because I'm nearly ninety eight, doesn't mean I can't suck a boy off like the rest of the slags on the street! Remember, Lav. I've been in three home-made movies, I have yes. But, oh. Dai Gi Bach was one shag to remember. Was Tim?''

''GRAN!!'' Lavender was really shocked. Whilst many grans will complain about how much bread has gone up, Jane would go on about teaching the whores in Cardiff how to give a proper one for more money. Lavender laughed at the question. ''He didn't, take my flower... he, sort of touched it...''

''Ah, a bit of fingering never hurt anyone! Well, apart from my cousin. Ah, she was a right harlot. She always did the spitroast at least twice a week. She even let my ol' boyfriend, Harry, park in her back alley! She was a right bitch...''

''What did you do, gran?'' Lavender was happier now, nobody can be upset when there's a gran like this around the place.

''Well, what can you do about it? Nothing. Apart from clamping nipple clamps onto her tits and connect them to an electricity pylon. She's a father now. Well, she was born a girl, then after the whole 'tit-to-electricity' thing, she turned into a man. Then, a year later, wanting to change back to womanhood, then another year later, she wanted to go back to a man! Typical woman!'' Lavender was in hysterics at this point. ''Oh, the real reason she had to turn back to a woman is because she got pregnant as a woman, all those spitroasts I expect. When she was giving birth, she was Steven, a bloke, like. Then, I remember being in the hospital, the doctors said to her ''the good news is, you have a healthy baby boy. The bad news is your cock has been blown off''.

Lavender, seemingly on a lifetime supply of laughing gas, composed herself, and looked into her wacky gran's eyes.

''You see, Lav. It doesn't matter what infertile thing that enters you. It's the fertile things you have to be weary of. I mean, God didn't put men on earth just to fuck constantly! Vibrators can't mow the lawn, you know. But, being serious now. Don't cry over him. It's his fault he'd rather a transvestite to a beautiful girl like you. Just be glad you don't have the cock. Must be a nightmare to run with that. I mean, if your boxers are loose, it'll be banging your legs all the time. And if that makes you have a hard one, then you'll be forever horny, wouldn't you?''

''Mother! I do not expect my daughter to hear about these things at such a young age!!'' Jane Junior eavesdropped on the conversation, thinking, but was upmost horrified at the mention of spitroasts. She was a vegan, after all. ''Lavender, come with me. Your salad's getting wet''.

''That's the only thing o'mine that WILL get wet for the moment...'' Lavender whispered to herself.

As they walked downstairs, Michael was finishing his second speech, and beginning his third.

''And that's how I will be the first person to touch MC Hammer. Next, I will give my theory on the man who invented fire...''

And Now, The Fun Stops.....

I've already made a few posts to a blog that I doubt anybody has read.

And, I've realized, I haven't introduced myself (now you understand the stupid title...).

Well, basically I call myself CrazyDistortion online. I came up with the name CrazyDistortion when I was thinking of a new username for my new BEBO (because I deleted my other one, along with some of the skins.... damn bastard BEBO... hehe). At the time I was a Devil May Cry 3 fanatic, and my favourate weapon was called "Nevan" (Hence my name also being "Nevaan" online... yes, I am THAT sad...), which was an electric guitar that shoots bats when you played a sweet, sweet melody. One of my favorite moves you can do with the Nevan is called Distortion. I tried that and it said that it was used up, which is a right bugger. So I remembered another move that I love killing demonic bastards with. Called the "Crazy Roll" (think of the guitarists in Fall Out Boy, but with bats flying around and electriciry shooting everywhere...). I took away the roll, and instead added distortion. And alas, gave birth to CrazyDistortion. (This was taken from a blog from my group on Bebo, called CrazyDistortiong Media, if you feel like becoming a fan, please feel free to search for the band). One main reason why I've stuck with CrazyDistortion is because, maybe it's just me who thinks this way, but it's like my identity now. I know it's not a famous thing, but it's raising, slowly but surely. 

For instance, on YouTube. Even though my username's NevanIWannaWii, I pretty much have CrazyDistortion in the tag line every time, so you'll know it's me. So far my videos have been viewed over ninety five thousand times collectively (I have fifteen videos, though three have been refused due to accidental copyright infringement), even if they've been up for a year now. It's obvious that the favorite is the  speeded up version of 'Misery Business' by Paramore. I've also had a lot of stick too, for the edit I have done of 'I Write Sins, Not Tragedies' by Panic At The Disco. In the title, I said it was edited (which is true), though I may have been misleading by saying this, because many people have believed I meant edited as in audio (bleeping out the swear words), at that moment of my life, I had no idea how to do it. Also, I didn't even think of the audio dubbing. All I concentrated on is the editing of the video. Luckily, many people have watched it and liked it. If you are offended by swear words and you have/are about to watch the video, please don't blaspheme me just because I didn't dub the audio. That will be greatly appreciated.

Then, once I left the video editing bug behind in its dusk of Windows Media Player, I carried on with the main thing I wanted to do in life - image editing. It has changed drastically over the year I've actually done it. This, again, is from the blog I posted on the 'CrazyDistortion Media' group on BEBO, though I might have corrected spelling mistakes or updated a few things.

The way I entered into the wonders of skin edits though is a different story (of course it is... the birth of Crazydistortion is not the same as actually making skins eh??). I got interested into photo editing when I saw my sister, Lowri, looking at one of the pictures one of her friends have jazzed up for her. It was brilliant like. I looked at it and was thinking "Yeah, I could do that". So the next day, I was on this program I just realised I had on the computer. It was called Picasa2. Though it is the most simplest editing program in existance, it was still a handy tool.

Then one day, everything changed. For the world of photo editing. For me. I found a program so good I could make the sun appear in someone's eye. This program is the man. Which is funnily called the GIMP (version 2.0 or higher). This program really set me off on all the photo editing possibilities. With more filters, more tint styles, I thought I was the best alive like. Until, I realized, I could go one better. Only one thing stood in my way... and for that... I needed PhotoShop.

Thanks to my uncle Graham (who is, like an brilliant person), I got PhotoShop. Now I can do the thing that the photo edit that Lowri's friend done for her made me want to do - colourise photos in more depth. At first I just had a look around, see what filters I could do with this titan of a program. Then it hit me. I have the godfather of the photo editing world at my fingertips (well in my hard-drive, but that's irrelevant like). Now I was churning photo edits like there was no later on (yes, it was that fast like this.... see told you it was fast). from that moment on I was making edits, while my friends were "proud owners" of brand-spanking new edits of themselves (I tried to make the girls more beautiful than normal, I tell you it was a hard thing to improve on such lovely ladies like.... he-he).

I know you are getting tired, but don't worry. I'm finishing soon like. One fine day, I was looking for a new skin and was thinking "*sigh* Oh I want to make my own skin..." and then I saw it, a link that says "Roll Your Own". So I read the specs of the skin, made up a quick skin on PhotoShop, changed the size of it on GIMP, uploaded it onto BEBO and hey presto... my first skin. I called it Black and White, because....erm.... it was a black and white skin?? It was shaite really. I wouldn't be suprise if someone commented on my profile saying "F**k off, you pansy!! Let the pros make the skins!!"

Then the rest went on from there really. Made new skins. Made new photo edits. My friends saying to me on MSN "Ga.... you know that awesome skin you made??.....Well, can you make me one on yadayadayayda please??" Hehe it was mad... =D

Then, after that, friend at the time said about advertising my skins and edits, that is the birth of the 'CrazyDistortion Media' band (now group, now you get why I keep calling it a band).

After a mad while of making skins for BEBO (I must admit, they were pretty rubbish compared to the ones I can do now), I created my first profile on an art social network (if that is what they are called). I started off with DeviantART (username's CrazyDistortion, again, if your interested). Nothing major has happened on it really. I have had at least one work added to somebody's favorites, but maybe they've taken it off now. Once I read in a magazine (full of PhotoShop tutorials, I admit) about a new website called RedBubble. Thhngs have (sort of) taken off now. My work (if that's what you can call them) is now viweable from Manchester to Melbourne. I know that could happen on BEBO, MySpace and the like, but on RedBubble, there's far more people that are into all sorts of art, and you can be sure when someone comments your work, it's not some wannabe joking around. I've had loads of comments and critique, and I've taken on the comments (hopefully) very well. There's a massive difference from my first attempt at a website design and my most recent one. I also have made some tee-shirt designs, which so far (to my knowledge) no-one has bought any yet. Lets hope in the near future, I'll make something out of it...

Aside from editing, and you can tell its a big part of my life, I am learning to play the bass and electric guitar. I've only started since Christmas of '07 with bass, and a month later with the guitar. To be frank, I suck. I am not learning to play guitar to be one of those guys who does nothing but guitar. I just feel like sometimes, its a good idea to express yourself musically. Though I know I'm not going to be on the same level as Herman Li, Slash or Tom Morello (you might've guessed that I play Guitar Hero too? I'll leave that for now...). Same as on bass. I just want to be able to play out some cool sounds. I can pretty much do half of songs on guitar, but can do whole songs on bass. But, then again, bass is easier than guitar...

Right, back to the Guitar Hero reference. I have GH 2 and 3 for the PS2, and the game says that I'm an expert. I can pretty much complete GH3 on expert (apart from Raining Blood.... bastard) and the same on GH2. Cherub Rock, Talk Dirty To Me and Before I Forget are my favorites from GH3, while I love the bass to Slow Ride. GH2 favorite's include Heart Shaped Box, Bad Reputation and War Pigs. I'll shut up about Guitar Hero for now..... =)....

I pretty much suck at other aspects of life. Take sports. My main sport is cricket. Bowling, I'm a demon at. Batting, I generally suck. That's all about cricket. I also enjoy playing rugby and football. Many people are surprised on the way I play rugby. I can play either wing or full back, but I'd like to think I'd do well in any position as long as it's in the backs. My strength in rugby is mainly running with the ball, while my weakness is tackling, though I did do one good tackle in a competition in my school last year. Football, I'm still in the attacking aspect of things (I'd say, anyways). Mainly a winger, I can play wing back or any attacking position (as long as you don't mind me not scoring so much).

Well, that's pretty much it really. Other than the vital statistics such as gender (I have a penis), birthday (hint - I have a sting in my tail...), and other things.... but they can keep.

I must apologize about two things though. One being how long this thing is. The other is the language. I'm from Wales, but as I am using Safari, it's saying that everything I type is wrong. As it's American (I believe), then some words will be different to the English dialect that I'm used to.

 Anyways, if anyone's read this, thank you for taking the time to read this very pointless blog. Might edit it to add some edits that I've done and links to my profiles. But for now....

Cyanide.

What? It's goodbye in any language!